I’ve been reading about positive reinforcement and how it’s supposed to help with kids’ behavior but I’m trying to understand what’s actually happening in their brains when we use it. Like when you praise a kid for doing something good or give them a reward, what psychological processes are taking place that makes them want to repeat that behavior?
I get the basic concept but I’m curious about the deeper mechanisms. Is it just about dopamine or is there more to it? And does it work the same way for all kids or are there differences based on age or personality?
My daughter responds way better to specific praise than generic stuff. When I say ‘you organized your backpack really well’ she lights up more than just hearing ‘good job.’ She knows exactly what she did right. Kids are constantly figuring out which actions get good reactions from us. What’s crazy is how she’ll try variations of the same behavior to see if she gets praised again. She’s basically experimenting to crack the code.
I experience something similar with my child. When I praise him for helping with small tasks, like putting away toys, he gets really excited and often repeats the behavior. I’m also juggling between using praise and tangible rewards like stickers. Does anyone have insights on which method has worked best for their kids?
My kids definitely link praise to feeling good. When I tell my kids they did something well, you can see how excited they get. They’ll keep doing whatever got them that reaction.
With my teenagers, I’ve found positive reinforcement really builds their confidence. My 14-year-old started helping around the house more once I began acknowledging his efforts, not just results. Getting recognized makes kids feel capable.
My 17-year-old taught me that different personalities need different approaches. She doesn’t care about verbal praise, but giving her more independence as a reward for responsible behavior? That’s what motivates her.
Positive reinforcement works because it helps kids connect their actions to good feelings. They start seeing themselves as helpful or responsible people. It’s not about the immediate reward - they begin identifying as someone who does the right thing.
The tricky part is what feels rewarding changes as they grow up. My kids needed way more external motivation when they were little. Now they’re more driven by wanting to feel trusted and mature. Trial and error helped me figure out what clicked for each of them.
Timing is really important with praise. If I wait too long after my kids do something good, it hardly registers. But if I catch them right in the moment, they absolutely glow and want to do it again.
My younger one really needs that instant ‘great job!’ The older one prefers when I mention their effort later. It’s interesting how their styles change based on age.
When they receive praise, something definitely clicks in their brains. What works for one might not work for the other. Sometimes just a quick ‘good job’ does the trick, but other times they need a little more to keep motivated.
Trial and error helped me figure out what clicked for each of them.