I’m trying to figure out how to teach my kids about working hard and following through on things without being too harsh or naggy about it. I want to use positive methods that actually motivate them rather than just lecturing all the time.
What approaches have worked well for other parents? Looking for practical tips that don’t involve bribing them with rewards for every little thing, but still encourage them to develop good habits and stick with tasks even when they get difficult.
Any advice would be helpful - my kids are elementary age if that matters.
What worked for us was connecting their work to something they cared about. My 14-year-old wanted to learn guitar, so we talked about how practicing scales isn’t fun but it’s what makes the songs sound good later. She started seeing the boring practice as part of getting to the fun stuff.
I also stopped jumping in to help too quickly. There were times I watched my son struggle with organizing his backpack for like 10 minutes when I could have done it in two. But when he finally got it sorted himself, he was genuinely proud. That feeling seemed to stick with him more than any praise I could have given.
One thing that surprised me was how much they picked up from watching how I handled my own frustrating tasks. When I had to deal with insurance paperwork or fix something that kept breaking, they noticed whether I complained the whole time or just pushed through it. They definitely mirror what they see at home more than what we tell them to do.
honestly I struggle with this balance too. My kid is 5 and I keep wondering if I’m doing too many rewards or not enough. Lately I’ve been trying to just notice when they finish something hard and mention how proud they look. Like when they clean up their whole room even though they got frustrated halfway through. But I’m curious - how do you handle it when they want to quit something midway? Do you push them to finish or let them take breaks? I feel like I’m always second-guessing myself on when to encourage vs when to step back.
We’ve had some luck with making the work itself feel more interesting rather than focusing on rewards afterward. My daughter hates folding laundry but loves sorting things by color, so we started there and somehow the folding part became less awful. Sometimes I’ll set a timer and we race to see how much we can get done, or put on music she picks. What I’ve noticed is that when she feels capable of doing something well, she’s more likely to stick with it next time. The tricky part is finding what clicks for each task.
I’ve found that having little check-ins works better than waiting until the end to say anything. Like when my kids are doing homework and I can see they’re getting stuck, I’ll just mention something specific I noticed - “you figured out that tricky word problem” or “you’ve been working on this for 15 minutes straight.”
What really surprised me was how much they started noticing their own progress when I did this. Now my younger one will come tell me “I didn’t give up even though it was hard!” It’s like they learned to see their own effort as something worth being proud of.
Mine respond well when I acknowledge the effort, not just the result. Like noticing they kept trying even when math got frustrating. Also helps when they see me working through annoying stuff without complaining much.
They definitely mirror what they see at home more than what we tell them to do.