I’ve been thinking about how I handle discipline with my kids and wondering if there are better approaches than always going to punishment when they misbehave or don’t do what they’re supposed to. I feel like I’m always saying no or taking things away but it doesn’t seem to be working that well.
What are some practical ways to motivate children using positive encouragement instead? I’m looking for real strategies that actually work, not just theory. Has anyone had success switching from punishment-based discipline to more encouraging methods?
I can relate to your experience with my child who is 5. Recognizing the positive moments instead of just correcting mistakes feels more effective. When they do something right, like putting their plate away, I celebrate that moment a lot.
But I still find it tricky. On days when I’m exhausted, I sometimes end up saying “no” too often. Does anyone find that certain times of the day are especially challenging? What are some encouraging phrases that work for you when your child is being a bit stubborn?
Sticker charts work great for us. My kids earn stickers for simple stuff like getting dressed or feeding the cat. Once they hit a certain number, they pick a small reward or get extra screen time.
I also point out how they’re helping the family. Like “You made breakfast way easier by setting the table” or “The dog’s so happy you remembered his food.” It’s awesome watching them realize they’re actually making a difference.
I still mess up sometimes and forget to stay positive first, but I’m getting better. It really does change the whole vibe at home.
I found that catching my kids doing things right instead of focusing on their mistakes really helped. Celebrating small wins like my 14-year-old putting dishes away or my 17-year-old helping her brother with homework made a huge difference. It worked better than I expected.
One surprising change was giving them choices. Instead of saying “clean your room or lose your phone,” I offered options like “clean it now for some free time later or do it after dinner and miss some TV.” This way, they felt more in control and complained less.
I also praised their effort instead of only the end result. Even if their room wasn’t perfect, I acknowledged that they tried. I had to work on not just pointing out what was wrong first
The toughest part was being consistent, especially when I was tired or stressed. Some days, I slipped back into my old habits, but overall, our home has become a much better place.
Started giving more high-fives and saying ‘thanks for helping’ when my kids actually did chores without me asking. Also let them earn privileges back instead of just taking stuff away. Both worked way better than endless timeouts and confiscating phones.
We do ‘treasure hunts’ now - my kid earns clues for good behavior each week. Every helpful thing they do gets them closer to a small prize or activity they chose. I was shocked how much more they started helping without me asking. The excitement of getting the next clue works way better than taking privileges away like we used to. Some weeks are better than others, but we argue way less about basic house stuff now.
