I’m trying to find better ways to handle my kids when they act up instead of just telling them off all the time. The constant “no, don’t do that” or “stop it right now” doesn’t seem to be working and honestly I feel like I’m always being negative with them.
I know there have to be more positive approaches that actually work to redirect their behavior when they’re being difficult or doing things they shouldn’t. What techniques have worked for other parents here? Looking for practical stuff I can actually use day to day.
Distraction works well with mine. If they’re doing something they shouldn’t, I’ll ask them to help me with something else nearby. Gets them moving away from the problem without a big confrontation.
I totally get the negative cycle thing. With my 5 year old, I’ve been trying to ask “what should you be doing right now?” instead of pointing out what’s wrong. Sometimes it works and they remember on their own. Other times they just stare at me like I’m speaking another language. Do you find certain approaches work better depending on your kids’ moods or is it more about being consistent with the same method?
Something that really helped me with my two kids was giving them two choices instead of just saying no. Like when my son would leave his backpack on the kitchen counter, I’d say “Would you like to put your backpack in your room now or after you have your snack?” It took the fight out of it because he felt like he had some control.
I also started catching them doing things right more often. When I noticed my daughter actually putting her dishes in the dishwasher without being asked, I’d mention it. “Thanks for getting your plate in there.” Nothing over the top, just acknowledging it.
Another thing that worked was redirecting their energy instead of stopping it completely. When my younger one was bouncing off the walls inside, I’d suggest we go shoot hoops for 10 minutes rather than telling him to sit still. Sometimes they just need to move their bodies.
The hardest part was changing my own habit of jumping straight to “stop that.” It took practice, but the house definitely felt less tense once I got better at it.
My daughter responds really well to turning things into challenges or competitions. Like if she’s dragging her feet getting ready for school, I might say something like “I wonder if you can get your shoes on before I finish packing your lunch.” She’ll usually rush to beat me and suddenly the dawdling stops. Sometimes I make it a race against herself too, like seeing if she can clean up faster than yesterday. It feels less like nagging and more like playing together.
One thing that’s been working for us is getting down to their level and whispering. When my kids are getting wild or not listening, I’ll crouch down and whisper something like “I have a special job for you” or “Can you help me figure something out?” They usually stop what they’re doing and lean in to hear. I also started using timers for transitions. My 10 year old hates being rushed, so now I give a 5-minute warning with the timer. When it goes off, she knows it’s time to switch activities. Takes the pressure off me being the bad guy. Another thing that surprised me was how much physical connection helped. A gentle hand on the shoulder or quick hug when redirecting them made such a difference. They seem more willing to cooperate when they feel that connection first.
