I’m trying to find ways to motivate my kids that don’t involve buying them stuff or giving them treats all the time. It feels like I’m constantly bribing them to do basic things like homework or chores and I don’t think that’s healthy long term. What are some other approaches that actually work? Looking for practical ideas that have worked for other parents.
Been there with my kids when they were younger. The constant bribing was exhausting and expensive! I switched to privileges instead of stuff. Screen time, staying up late on weekends, picking the family movie - these became the rewards. My kids got way more excited about earning an extra hour of video games than some random toy. I started letting them earn back freedoms they’d lost too. No chores? Phone privileges gone. Complete everything? They get it back. This felt way more natural than always adding something new. Recognition became massive. My 14-year-old still lights up when I tell her dad how she handled something responsibly. Sometimes I’d text their accomplishments to grandparents - that praise from extended family beat any treat. Hardest part was staying patient while they adjusted. Took a few weeks for them to stop asking ‘what do I get?’ for every little thing. But now they’re more motivated by feeling capable and trusted rather than just getting stuff. 
My kid responds great when I link tasks to stuff she actually wants. She wanted friends over, so I explained how a clean room makes hosting way more fun. Now she cleans without being asked because she gets it. I also tell her about my own struggles with boring tasks and how I push through. She feels more grown up knowing we’re dealing with the same stuff. Progress charts help too - not for rewards, just so she can watch herself get better over time.
One-on-one time works great as motivation for my kids. I’ll give them 15 minutes to do whatever they want together after homework’s done. I’ve also stopped assigning chores and started asking for help instead - they feel way more important when I tell them I need their help with dinner prep.
Same struggle here with my 5 year old. The treats and toys were getting expensive and I felt like I was raising a tiny negotiator instead of teaching actual responsibility. Now I let her pick what we do together after she finishes her tasks - extra story, quick game, whatever. She loves controlling our time like that. I also make a huge deal about how helpful she’s being, like bragging to her teacher when she remembers her dishes. But real talk, some days I’m exhausted and just go back to bribing her with snacks. What do you do when you’re too tired to be the perfect parent?
What worked for us was turning everyday tasks into chances for them to feel proud and capable. My kids respond great when I notice their effort out loud - like ‘wow, you tackled that math problem even though it was tricky’ or ‘I saw you help your sister without being asked.’ I also started giving them choices within what they need to do. Like ‘do you want to start with spelling or math first?’ They feel more in control and less like they’re just following orders. Natural consequences have been helpful too. If they forget their lunch, they eat the school lunch instead of me rushing it over. No lecture needed - they just remember better next time. Took me a while to get comfortable with this, but seeing them problem-solve on their own has been worth it.