I’m trying to figure out better ways to encourage my kids to be more kind and considerate. I know positive reinforcement works well but I’m running out of ideas on how to actually implement it when they show kindness to others.
What are some practical ways you’ve found that work? Looking for specific examples or techniques that have been effective with your kids.
Still working on this with my child who is five. Recently, I’ve been catching them in the moment and asking how they think their actions make their friends feel. It helps connect their actions to feelings. I also highlight kindness when we read by pointing out characters who help others. My child enjoys earning extra bedtime stories for being thoughtful during the day. Have any of you tried using apps or charts to track kind acts? I’m curious if visual tracking works for kids at this age.
My teens outgrew the marble jar years ago, but I found something that worked even better when they were little. I’d write quick notes and stick them in lunch boxes or on bathroom mirrors whenever I caught them being kind. Nothing fancy - just “Saw you help your sister with her backpack” or “You were so patient with grandma yesterday.” They kept those notes forever. My 17-year-old still has some stuffed in her desk drawer.
Timing was huge too. Praising them when family or friends could hear made way more impact than talking privately. Kids love when other adults know about their good choices. My neighbor still brings up how my son helped her with groceries three years ago - he lights up every time 
Now they naturally point out kind things they see others doing. That habit of noticing kindness really stuck.
I found that a kindness jar really works well with my kids. Whenever they show kindness or help someone without being asked, they get to add a marble to the jar. Once it’s full, we celebrate with a special dinner or a fun movie night together. I also try to highlight how their good actions impact others. For instance, when my youngest shares toys, I tell him how happy it makes his friend. They love knowing their kindness counts. One fun thing I do is text my partner about something nice they did while they’re right there. It really makes them proud to hear me sharing those compliments!
My daughter can spot fake praise from a mile away. I’ve started getting specific about what I notice instead of generic ‘good job’ comments. For example, I’ll say ‘I saw you help your friend pick up those books when she dropped them’ rather than just saying ‘good job being nice.’ Describing exactly what happened makes a difference. I also bring it up later at dinner, mentioning something kind she did earlier that day. She really lights up knowing I actually paid attention, and it doesn’t feel forced.
We point out kind acts when we’re out - kids notice someone holding a door or helping with groceries. Later, when mine do something similar, I bring it up. Works way better than rewards for us.