I have an 8-year-old son whom I suspect might be on the autism spectrum. Whenever I request his help with household chores, he gets really upset and often ends up having a meltdown. He typically retreats to a quiet spot for about ten minutes before returning to help, but the initial confrontation is very exhausting for me.
Currently, I’m facing a challenge where he spilled milk on the counter and the floor. I asked him to clean it up, and although he started, he stopped midway, claiming he was “too tired” and went to lie down. I’m confused about whether he’s genuinely exhausted or using it as an excuse to avoid completing the task.
Now there’s milk on the floor and a wet sponge left standing. I’m uncertain about the best course of action. If I wait for him to decide to finish it, it could take quite a while. However, if I take over and clean it myself, won’t that set a precedent that he just has to wait for me to do things for him? I’m looking for advice on how to navigate this situation.
My son handles things better when I break them into smaller, clear steps. Instead of telling him to clean up spills alone, I do it with him. Takes more time but we avoid way more meltdowns.
We just started chores at five and my kid gets overwhelmed with cleanup too. When he leaves something half-done, I go back with him instead of doing it myself. I’ll say “let’s finish cleaning that spill” but he does the actual work. Sometimes I wonder if I’m too gentle though. Does going back together teach follow-through, or should I wait for him to remember on his own?
Been there with my younger kid at that age. The “too tired” thing was legit - some tasks really did drain him more, especially cleaning his own messes. Think there was shame or feeling overwhelmed mixed in.
What worked: I’d give him two choices right away - “Clean this now or take a 5-minute break first, then clean it.” Set a timer if he picked the break. He still had to do it, but got to choose when.
For spills, I kept cleaning stuff in one spot and taught him the steps: grab paper towels, wipe counter, then floor, toss towels. Having that routine made it way less overwhelming.
Some days I’d help him finish and that was fine. He was still learning even when he couldn’t handle the whole thing. Meltdowns got better once he knew what to expect.
My daughter had the same issues at that age. She’d start multi-step tasks but hit a wall halfway through, especially if she thought she’d already done the hardest part. For spills, we started doing ‘reset breaks’ - she could walk away and come back later, but she knew it wasn’t finished until everything was clean. When she came back, I’d sometimes clean alongside her (not taking over, just being there). I know the milk thing is frustrating, but waiting it out or gently asking him to come back works better than just doing it yourself.
My younger daughter pulls this exact same move with chores. That “too tired” thing? It’s usually legit - cleaning up your own mess feels overwhelming when you’re already upset about spilling stuff. I break it into tiny steps now. For spills, I say “grab paper towels” and wait. She does it. Then “wipe the counter.” I give her a quick “good job” after each step. Sometimes she needs a break between steps - whatever. Finishing together isn’t the same as doing it for him. If he’s stuck, hand him the sponge and say “let’s get this last bit” while he does the actual wiping. He still finishes the job without feeling defeated.
