I’ve been reading about different parenting approaches and I’m curious about encouragement vs other methods. Does anyone have experience with using encouragement to help kids develop better behavior? Like actually praising the good stuff they do instead of just focusing on corrections when they mess up. I’m wondering if this really works long-term or if kids just get used to needing constant praise. My 6 year old responds well when I acknowledge his good choices but I don’t want to create some kind of dependency where he only behaves when he knows he’ll get recognition for it. What’s been your experience? Does encouragement actually help shape lasting positive behavior or is it more of a short term thing?
Works well here but I noticed the trick is being specific about what they did right. Generic praise loses its impact pretty quickly. Mine still does good things without expecting anything now that he’s older.
I’ve had a great experience with encouragement too! One thing that really helps is to mix specific praise with those unexpected moments where they shine. For example, when my kids help out without being asked, like clearing their plates, I make sure to mention how great that is. I also like to catch them being kind to each other or solving little problems on their own. It’s amazing to see how they’ve started to do good things even when I’m not watching. My older one now helps his little brother with homework by himself. It’s taken some time, but I think they really start to want to make good choices when you highlight the everyday moments of kindness rather than just focusing on big wins.
My kid started doing things on his own around 9 or 10, but it was gradual. I used to worry about creating that praise dependency too. What I noticed though is that he began internalizing the good feelings from helping out or making smart choices. Now at 11, he’ll do stuff like pack his own lunch or help his friend with math homework without expecting anything from me. I think there’s a natural progression where they move from wanting your approval to feeling good about their own actions.
What worked for us was gradually scaling back the praise as they got older. With my 14 and 17 year old, I went through this same worry when they were little. I found that around age 8 or 9, they started doing things without waiting for me to notice.
The real shift happened when I started acknowledging their character instead of just their actions. Instead of “Great job cleaning your room,” I’d say something like “You’re really becoming someone who takes care of their space.” That seemed to stick better because it became part of how they saw themselves.
Both my kids now do plenty of good things when nobody’s watching. My younger one helps elderly neighbors with groceries, and my older one tutors kids at school. They never tell me about these things until later. 
I think the dependency worry is normal, but in my experience, kids naturally grow out of needing constant recognition. The encouragement becomes like training wheels - eventually they don’t need it because the good behavior feels natural to them.
My 5 year old definitely lights up when I notice the good stuff. I’ve been trying to catch her being helpful or kind instead of always pointing out what needs fixing. But I worry about the same thing you mentioned. Will she stop doing good things if I’m not there to see it? Sometimes I wonder if I’m praising too much or not enough. What age did your kids start doing good things without needing that recognition?