I’ve been trying to help my kids stick with things when they get tough - like practicing piano or finishing homework without giving up. I started using a reward system where they get small treats or privileges when they push through difficult tasks instead of quitting.
So far it seems to be working okay, but I’m wondering if this actually builds real perseverance or if they’ll just expect rewards all the time? Has anyone else tried this approach? Did it help your kids develop better habits long-term or did they become too dependent on the rewards?
Just looking for some real experiences from other parents who’ve dealt with this.
My 5-year-old just started doing simple chores and I’m worried about this too. I give her stickers for putting away toys, but now she asks ‘do I get a sticker?’ before doing anything. Maybe I should praise the effort more instead of always giving rewards? When did your kids stop asking about rewards first?
I’ve dealt with this situation regarding my child’s piano practice. Initially, rewards seemed effective, but they soon began to anticipate something each time. I decided to change it up—sometimes I’d offer a reward, but other times I focused on letting them enjoy the pride of mastering a challenging piece independently. It’s impressive to see their joy when they overcome difficulties without any incentive. Now, I reserve rewards for occasions where they’re truly struggling.
Rewards can be helpful, but I found that keeping them unexpected works best. At first, I would give my kids treats every time they pushed through challenges. Now, I surprise them with a reward randomly. The shift happened when I started celebrating their efforts instead of offering a bribe ahead of time. For instance, I might say, “Wow, I saw you tried different ways to tackle that math problem!” This change really motivated them. I’ve noticed my kids are more willing to work hard, even when they don’t know if a reward is coming. They’ve learned that the satisfaction from not giving up is a reward in itself, and those occasional treats just add to their excitement.
We tried rewards for a bit but they worked best when we gradually phased them out. Started rewarding every practice session, then every few sessions, then just randomly. Now both kids practice piano without expecting rewards.
We mixed rewards with celebrating that accomplishment feeling. My 17-year-old used to quit everything after a few weeks - guitar, basketball, even school projects when they got tough. Just giving rewards made everything transactional. He’d ask what do I get before starting anything. I realized I needed to help him connect with how good it feels to push through hard stuff. Now I point out specific moments when he works through frustration. Like when he spent an hour on chemistry and finally got it - I’d mention how proud he looked figuring it out. Rewards became less frequent but more meaningful. My 14-year-old’s different though. She needs more encouragement and smaller milestones. Each kid needs their own approach. Some get motivated by internal satisfaction, others need external recognition longer. Good news is most kids eventually develop that inner drive to finish things, but it takes time and patience from us parents.
Good news is most kids eventually develop that inner drive to finish things, but it takes time and patience from us parents.