I’ve been reading about different parenting approaches and keep coming across positive reinforcement as a way to help kids develop resilience. But I’m not entirely clear on how this actually works in practice. Like, I get that praising good behavior is generally better than just focusing on the negative stuff, but how does that translate to kids being more resilient when they face challenges or setbacks? Is it just about building their confidence, or is there more to it? Any parents or educators who’ve seen this work firsthand? Would love to hear your thoughts or experiences.
My kids handle setbacks way better since I started highlighting what they did right, even during failures. When my daughter failed her driving test, I told her how calm she stayed throughout it. She booked her retake that same day.
I get why you’re curious about positive reinforcement. My kid used to quit puzzles the second they got hard. Instead of just saying ‘good job’ when she finished, I started calling out her effort. Like, ‘I saw you try three different ways to solve that piece.’ She totally changed how she handles tough stuff now. She’ll actually talk herself through problems and sees mistakes as learning moments instead of failures.
Still working on this with my child. When they get frustrated with things like tying shoes, I try catching the little things they do right. But am I overdoing the praise? I can’t tell what specific things I should point out that will actually make them want to keep going when it gets tough.
With my teens, I’ve seen positive reinforcement really help them bounce back from setbacks - they start recognizing their own strengths. When my 17-year-old bombed a math test last year, I focused on his consistent study habits instead of the grade. He retook it and did way better.
Kids who hear what they’re doing right start believing they can handle tough situations. My 14-year-old didn’t make varsity basketball, but since we’d always highlighted her persistence and improvement, she saw it as motivation to keep practicing rather than proof she wasn’t good enough.
Resilience builds when kids have evidence of their capabilities stored up. When you consistently point out their problem-solving, effort, or how they handled something tricky before, they remember those moments during hard times. It’s like giving them a mental toolbox for when things get rough 
My kids have gotten so much better at handling disappointment. I stopped obsessing over results and started celebrating their effort instead. Like when my 10-year-old got frustrated with his science project - I made sure to point out how he kept trying different approaches and didn’t quit. Now they’ve developed this supportive inner voice. My younger one says “at least I tried really hard” when things don’t work out. They get that effort matters just as much as winning. Honestly, it took months to see real changes in how they tackle challenges. But now they’re way more willing to try new things because they know I’ll always recognize their hard work.