I’m trying to help my kids learn how to set goals for themselves but I want to make sure I’m encouraging them in the right way. What are some good ways to use positive reinforcement during this process? Should I reward them for setting the goals, reaching milestones, or just the final outcome?
I don’t want to create a situation where they only set goals to get rewards, but I also want them to feel motivated and see that working toward something is worth it. Any parents or teachers have experience with this?
My daughter wanted to learn guitar last year, so we made a simple chart where she colored in squares after each practice session. She absolutely loved filling in those squares - it became a visual reminder of her progress. She’d get excited about practicing just to watch the pattern grow. We didn’t offer any big rewards, but she was genuinely proud when friends and family noticed her improvement. The chart worked way better than I expected because she could actually see her consistency building over time.
I like to combine celebrating small wins with making goal-setting feel exciting. When my older kid makes progress, I give her a high five or tell her how proud I am. We track her progress together and celebrate the little improvements.
Making goal-setting special is important too. We sit down and discuss what she wants to achieve, and I really try to show my excitement for her ideas. That excitement seems to inspire her! Once she sees her progress, whether on a chart or just through our chats, she starts feeling proud of her efforts rather than focusing only on rewards.
I focus on recognizing their effort, not just the end result. When my kids follow through on their plans, they get praised, even if they don’t completely meet their goals. For instance, my daughter practiced piano daily for two weeks and although she didn’t master the song, her dedication was appreciated.
I’ve been wondering about this too. My child gets excited when we set goals but loses steam halfway through. I started celebrating small wins like when she brushes her teeth three days straight. She responds much better to that than waiting for some big reward at the end. I still wonder if I’m overdoing the praise or being too stingy with it. Do your kids stay motivated with frequent little celebrations or do they prefer grinding toward something bigger?
What worked with my teenagers was letting them pick their own goals. My 14-year-old wanted to save for a skateboard, and my 17-year-old wanted better math grades. Since it was their idea, they actually cared about following through.
Timing praise is huge. Too much excitement early on backfired - my daughter would get overwhelmed and quit. Now I just say ‘nice job sticking with it’ for consistent effort but celebrate bigger when they push through something tough.
The hard part is when they don’t hit their goals. My son didn’t get the math grade he wanted, but he’d built better study habits. We talked about how those habits mattered even if the grade wasn’t perfect. Both kids respond way better when I focus on the skills they’re building instead of just results
Each kid needs different encouragement too. My daughter likes quiet recognition, while my son wants more vocal praise.
