I’m trying to find ways to motivate my kids without always resorting to toys or treats. Anyone have experience with non-material rewards that work well? Looking for ideas that encourage good behavior but don’t rely on buying stuff. What’s worked for you?
One thing that worked well for us was a ‘special time bank.’ The kids could earn minutes of one-on-one time with me or my husband by doing chores or showing good behavior. They loved cashing in their time for activities like baking cookies together or going to the park.
We also tried a ‘responsibility chart’ where they’d get stars for completing tasks. At the end of the week, they could trade stars for things like picking the movie for family night or having a friend over. It took a while, but eventually they started to see chores as a way to earn fun experiences rather than just work.
I found that the key was finding rewards that mattered to each kid. My older one loved earning later bedtimes on weekends, while my younger one was motivated by getting to plan our next family outing. It’s definitely a process of trial and error to figure out what clicks! 
Extra time with me works well. My kids love when I play a game or do an activity they choose.
Another good one is letting them pick what’s for dinner. They get excited about meal planning and feel proud when everyone enjoys it.
We’ve had some success with a points system in our house. My kid earns points for different tasks and behaviors, which can be traded for privileges like extra screen time or choosing the weekend activity. It’s not perfect, but it’s helped shift the focus away from material things. We’re still tweaking it as we go along. The tricky part is finding the right balance of rewards that feel meaningful without going overboard.
I’ve been trying to figure this out too. My 5-year-old loves getting stickers on a chart, but I’m not sure if that counts as non-material. We also do ‘special helper’ days where they get to be my assistant for everything. They love that.
I’m curious about the points system some of you mentioned. How do you keep track? And do your kids ever try to negotiate for more points?
One thing I’ve noticed is my kid gets really excited when I let them teach me something they learned. It’s not exactly a reward, but it seems to encourage good behavior. Has anyone else noticed this?
I’ve found that special one-on-one time can be a great motivator. My kids get really excited about having my full attention for an activity they choose.
We also use a ‘privilege jar’ where they earn tokens for good behavior. They can trade these for things like picking the movie for family night or getting to stay up a bit later on the weekend.
Recently, we started a ‘kindness calendar’ where they get to put stickers on days they do something nice. At the end of the month, we celebrate their efforts with a fun outing they pick. It’s been amazing to see how proud they are of their progress!
These approaches have worked well for us, but every family is different. It might take some trial and error to find what clicks for your kids.