I’ve been reading about positive reinforcement techniques but I’m not sure how to actually put them into practice with my kids. They’re 7 and 10 and I want them to be more responsible with chores, homework, and just general stuff around the house.
What specific strategies have worked for you? Like do you use rewards, praise, or something else? I don’t want to just bribe them but I also feel like constantly nagging isn’t working either.
Any real examples of what you’ve tried would be really helpful.
My kid felt so responsible helping in the kitchen one day. I casually mentioned how well they chopped vegetables, and you could see how proud they got. Now they actually volunteer to cook simple meals on their own. Kids really do respond well to encouragement - no big speeches needed. When my child forgets to clean up after projects, they’re stuck dealing with the mess later. They figured out pretty fast that staying tidy saves them hassle.
We just started this with our 5 year old and I’m still figuring it out. I tried turning chores into a point game, but they lose interest after a few days. What surprised me was thanking them for small stuff they already do, like putting their plate in the sink. Now they do it more often. I’m curious about the choice thing you mentioned. Do you set a time limit for picking from the list? My kid takes forever to decide and I worry they’d just use it to dodge chores completely.
We give specific praise instead of generic stuff. Like ‘thanks for putting your backpack away’ rather than just ‘good job.’ Natural consequences beat punishment too - forget lunch money, no snacks that day.
Been there with my kids at those exact ages. The constant nagging was draining everyone.
Catching them doing things right changed everything for us. When my younger one loaded the dishwasher without being told, I’d make sure to acknowledge it. Nothing crazy, just genuine thanks like ‘Hey, appreciate you cleaning up. Really helps me out.’
With my older daughter, I tied privileges to actions. She wanted later weekend bedtimes, so we made a deal - keep your room clean during the week, earn the extra time. She could see how being responsible got her what she wanted.
Giving them choices was a game-changer I didn’t expect. Instead of assigning specific chores, I’d hand them a list and let them pick what to do first. They felt more control and whined way less.
I had to train myself to spot the good stuff instead of just focusing on problems. Takes practice but it works.
My kids love making their own reward systems. We sat down and listed what they wanted to earn - extra screen time, picking dinner, staying up late on weekends. Then we figured out which chores would get them there. My younger one wanted friends over more, so keeping shared spaces clean became her thing. My older kid wanted game money, so finishing homework without nagging became his. Letting them track their own progress was huge. They’re obsessed with checking things off and seeing how close they are to their reward. They even remind each other because they’re excited about their goals. Best part? They started doing stuff without thinking about rewards. Once the habits stuck, they just felt good helping out.
