I’ve been trying different approaches with my kids but sometimes they lose focus pretty quickly, especially with homework or chores. I know positive reinforcement is supposed to work better than just telling them what they’re doing wrong, but I’m not sure I’m doing it right.
What are some practical ways you’ve found that actually work? Do you use rewards, praise, or something else? And how do you keep it up consistently without it feeling forced or losing its effectiveness over time?
My kid responds well to praise for maybe a week, then it’s like they’re immune to it. Should I be switching up rewards more often, or am I missing something bigger? Do kids need different motivation as they grow? I’m trying to find something that sticks long-term without me having to reinvent the wheel every few weeks.
My daughter thrives on mini-competitions with herself. We’ll time her organizing her backpack or see if she can beat yesterday’s getting-ready record. She gets pumped about beating her own time - the actual task becomes secondary. She stays motivated way longer when it feels like a game instead of just another chore.
Small rewards beat big ones every time. Extra screen time and letting them pick the weekend movie work great. Be specific with praise; saying ‘Nice work finishing your math homework’ lands better than just ‘good job.’
We’ve found a simple sticker chart to be really helpful. Our kids earn stickers for finishing tasks and can exchange them for little perks like choosing dinner or staying up a bit later. What works best is catching them doing things right during the day, not just for the big wins. Like when my daughter started her homework on her own, I made sure to notice and praise her right away. Staying consistent can be tough though; some days I forget to highlight their good efforts when things get busy. But even when I’m not spot on, they seem to respond positively when I do remember to recognize their progress.
Timing changed everything for me. I used to save praise for bedtime, but my kids responded way better when I caught them in the moment. My 14-year-old loads the dishwasher without being asked? I tell him right then.
Choices work amazingly as rewards. I’ll say ‘You can have 30 extra minutes of screen time or pick tomorrow’s breakfast.’ Both my teenagers love having that control.
Don’t overdo the praise though. I commented on everything at first and it felt fake to all of us. Now I focus on effort over results. When my 17-year-old struggles with math but keeps trying, I acknowledge that persistence instead of just the final grade. 
Staying consistent when life gets crazy is the hardest part, but even being consistent most of the time made a real difference.