I’m working with kids on managing their emotions and want to make sure I’m using positive reinforcement effectively. What are some practical ways you’ve found that work well? I’m especially curious about timing - like when exactly do you praise them during the process of learning to regulate emotions? And what kind of rewards or recognition actually motivates kids to keep practicing these skills? Any specific examples would be really helpful. I feel like I understand the theory but could use some real-world advice on how to put it into practice.
Both work - depends on your kid. Mine respond better to praise after they’ve calmed down. During the actual meltdown, I just stay nearby and say something like ‘I’m here when you’re ready.’ Once it’s over, I’ll point out what they did that helped them feel better.
Catching my kids managing their emotions in real-time has been eye-opening. When my daughter gets frustrated but stops to take a deep breath, I’ll say “That was really smart to stop and breathe.” Her response is amazing.
I give little rewards right away - extra story time or letting them pick what we watch. My son lights up when I tell his dad about his good choices at dinner.
Simply naming what they did well makes a huge difference. “You used your words when you felt upset” - they beam with pride and it pushes them to keep trying.
We make a big deal about small wins. When my 14-year-old gets mad but doesn’t slam his door like before, I’ll mention it later. “I noticed you were frustrated earlier but handled it well.” He pretends he doesn’t care, but I can tell it hits.
My 17-year-old needs one-on-one talks. If she’s stressed about school and talks through it instead of shutting down, I bring it up when we’re alone. She opens up more when she knows I noticed.
Rewards changed as they got older. Sticker charts worked when they were little. Now it’s privileges and trust. My son earned a later curfew because he’s been handling disappointment better.
Praise the process, not just the outcome. Even if they still get upset, recognizing they tried a coping strategy keeps them motivated. 
My 5-year-old gets overwhelmed fast, and I’m still figuring out what helps. I’ve been watching for when they start calming down and saying something like ‘you’re working hard to feel better.’ But I’m not sure I’m timing it right. When do you praise them - right when they’re upset or after they’ve calmed down?
Acknowledging the effort really works. When my kid’s having a meltdown but tries the breathing thing we practiced, I’ll say ‘I can see you’re working on this.’ That instant recognition actually motivates him more than waiting until he’s calm. We’ve got this bedtime thing where he tells me about a time he handled his emotions well that day. He actually looks forward to it now, which is pretty cool.