I’m working with my 4 and 6 year old kids and I’m trying to help them stick with things when they get frustrated or want to give up. Like when they’re doing puzzles or learning to ride bikes, they tend to just quit when it gets hard.
I’ve heard positive reinforcement works better than just telling them to keep trying, but I’m not sure what that looks like in practice. What are some good ways to encourage perseverance without being pushy about it? Any specific techniques or examples that have worked for you?
What worked for us was catching them in the act of struggling but still trying. I’d say “I can see you’re really working hard on that” right when they were frustrated but hadn’t quit yet. Helped them notice their own effort.
I started telling my kids their brains were getting stronger when they practiced. My son loved hearing his “puzzle brain” was growing when he kept trying different pieces. Made the hard parts feel worth it.
One thing I learned - wait before jumping in to help. I used to rush over the second they looked frustrated, but that actually made them give up faster. Now I give them a minute to figure it out first. Sometimes they surprise themselves and push through.
Sharing stories about other people who had to practice a lot helped too. We’d talk about how athletes or musicians weren’t born knowing everything. Made struggling feel normal instead of like failing.
My daughter used to get really frustrated with her drawing. When she couldn’t get something right, she’d often throw her pad across the room. We decided to focus more on her effort rather than the results. I would say things like, ‘I noticed you tried three different ways to draw that hand,’ instead of commenting on how it looked. Once she understood that I was paying attention to her persistence, she started to stick with things longer. I also would point out moments when she took a deep breath before trying again.
Breaking tasks into smaller steps works great with my kids. When my daughter learned to ride her bike, we celebrated everything - sitting on it, pedaling a few feet, then going a bit farther each time.
I share my own struggles too. I tell them about learning to drive or totally bombing a recipe. It shows them it’s normal to find stuff hard.
I also let them take breaks when they’re frustrated. My son will walk away from a puzzle, but he usually comes back the next day with fresh eyes and more energy.
I’m dealing with this same thing with my 5-year-old. Last week she was getting frustrated building a block tower, so I sat down next to her and just watched quietly. She kept going way longer than usual - maybe just having me there helped? I’m still figuring out the timing though. How long do you let them struggle before stepping in? Sometimes I worry I’m letting her get too frustrated, other times I think I jump in too quick. What’s worked for your kids?
We set up marble jars for each kid. They earn one marble when they push through something tough for 5 extra minutes instead of giving up. Homework, chores, doesn’t matter what. They get excited watching their jars fill up and can swap marbles for little rewards.
