I’m working with my 5 and 7 year old and trying to help them stick with things when they get frustrated or want to give up. I know positive reinforcement works better than just telling them to keep going, but I’m not sure what the best approach is.
What specific strategies have worked for you? Like do you reward the effort itself or wait until they actually push through something difficult? And how do you make it feel genuine rather than just bribing them?
Any practical examples would be really helpful since I’m kind of figuring this out as I go.
My kids really respond well to small celebrations right in the middle of their struggle. Like when my daughter gets frustrated with piano practice, I’ll point out that she just played that tricky part twice without stopping - even if she hasn’t gotten it perfect yet.
I also started giving them choices when they want to quit. “Do you want to try two more times or take a three minute break first?” This way they still feel in control but they’re not just walking away completely.
One thing that surprised me was how much they loved earning “persistence points” for a special activity later. Nothing big - just extra bedtime story or picking the family movie. They started asking if they could get points for finishing hard things, which made me realize they were actually wanting to stick with stuff more.
We had this exact struggle with puzzles and math homework. What worked for us was catching those tiny moments right before giving up and saying something like “I can see you’re really thinking hard about this.” Sometimes I’d sit nearby doing my own challenging task, like a crossword, and mention out loud when I felt stuck but decided to try one more approach. My kid started copying that behavior without me having to say anything directly about not quitting. The tricky part is timing the encouragement right when they’re wavering, not after they’ve already succeeded.
I started praising the attempt more than the result. Like ‘you tried three different ways’ instead of waiting for them to actually solve it. My kids respond better when I notice their process out loud. They started pushing through things more once they realized I was watching their effort, not just their wins.
Oh this is so timely for me! My 5 year old starts building with blocks and then gets mad when the tower falls down. She just walks away and says it’s too hard.
I’ve been trying to figure out if I should jump in right away or let her get frustrated first. Sometimes I wonder if I’m making it worse by trying to help too much.
What age did you start noticing your kids actually wanting to stick with difficult things? Right now it feels like everything is either easy and fun or impossible and terrible. There’s no in between for us yet.
I’m curious how you handle it when they’re already in full meltdown mode about something being hard. Do you wait for them to calm down first or try the encouragement during the tears?