I’m trying to figure out the best way to help my kids understand that putting in effort matters, not just the end result. I know positive reinforcement works better than punishment, but I’m not sure exactly how to apply it when it comes to effort specifically.
Like, do I praise them when they’re struggling through homework even if they get it wrong? Or when they keep practicing something they’re not good at yet? I don’t want to accidentally reward mediocrity, but I also want them to learn that trying hard is what really counts.
My kids respond way better when I acknowledge their effort after they’re done with whatever they’re working on. With homework, I wait until they finish struggling through it, then mention how they stuck with the tough parts. Works great and doesn’t make them feel like I’m hovering over them.
We’ve been trying this recently and timing is everything. My kid shuts down if I praise effort too early, but waiting until after they push through something tough? They actually appreciate it. Like with bike riding - they kept falling, I stayed quiet during the falls, then mentioned later how they got back on each time. It sticks better when they feel proud first, then hear that someone noticed their persistence.
Oh this brings me back! Had the same struggle with my kids. What worked was catching them putting in effort right in the moment, not waiting until they were done.
My daughter used to get so frustrated with math homework around age 10. I’d praise her effort while she was working through problems, even when she got them wrong. Things like “I can see you’re really thinking this through” or “You’re not giving up even though this is hard.” She started feeling proud of the work itself, not just the right answers.
My son would quit sports if he wasn’t naturally good at them. I started praising his persistence when he kept shooting baskets or stuck with guitar even when it sounded awful. He needed to hear that struggling was normal and valuable.
The key was being specific about what effort I saw. Instead of “good job,” I’d say “I noticed you tried three different ways to solve that problem.” It helped them recognize their own hard work.
Same here with my child. I praise her when she’s working through puzzles or trying to dress herself, but I’m never sure about the timing. Am I overdoing it? Does every little attempt need recognition, or should I wait for bigger moments of persistence? When did this approach start clicking with your kids?
I understand that balancing praise for effort can be tricky. At home, I try to acknowledge persistence without making it overwhelming. For instance, when my younger one was learning to tie his shoes, I offered him a sticker for his efforts, even when the results were messy. My older daughter loves collecting stars on her chart for each day she practices difficult piano parts without giving up.
What I’m really happy to see is how they’ve begun to recognize their own hard work. My son often shares with pride, “I didn’t give up today” after facing challenges. Those little rewards help them feel good about trying hard, rather than just focusing on getting things right.
