I’ve been trying to help my kids deal with setbacks and tough situations, but I want to make sure I’m doing it in a way that builds them up instead of tearing them down. Any tips on using positive reinforcement effectively when kids are struggling with something? I’m not sure if I should be praising effort, results, or something else entirely. Would love to hear what’s worked for other parents!
My kids respond well to specific praise. I noticed an improvement when I started saying things like ‘You finished that tricky puzzle!’ instead of just ‘Good job.’
Letting them figure things out on their own helps too. I’m there if they need me, but I try not to jump in too quick.
In our house, we’ve found that talking about challenges as normal parts of life has been really helpful. When my kids struggle, we chat about times I’ve faced similar issues. This shows them everyone deals with tough stuff sometimes.
We also break big tasks into smaller steps. For homework, we might start with just one problem, then take a quick break. Small wins build confidence.
I try to notice when they’re putting in effort, even if things don’t work out perfectly. Like when my daughter was learning to tie her shoes, I’d point out how she kept trying different ways to make the loops.
Sometimes we brainstorm together about what to try next if something isn’t working. This helps them feel like they have some control over the situation.
It’s not always smooth sailing, but focusing on the positives seems to keep them more motivated to tackle tricky stuff.
I’ve been trying something similar with my 5-year-old. We started a simple star chart for things like brushing teeth and putting toys away. It’s hit or miss some days.
I’m curious how others handle it when kids refuse or get frustrated with challenges? Do you ever feel torn between pushing them to keep trying and not wanting to make it a negative experience?
One small win for us was turning cleanup into a game. We race to see who can put away the most toys in 2 minutes. My kid loves it, but I wonder if that approach will work long-term or if I should be doing something different to build intrinsic motivation?
What strategies have worked as your kids got older? I’d love to hear more perspectives on balancing encouragement with letting them work through struggles on their own.
I remember when my kids were younger and faced challenges. It wasn’t easy, but I found a few things that worked well. When they struggled, I tried to notice any small progress and point it out. Like if my son was having trouble with math, I’d say something like “I saw how you worked out that problem step by step. That’s great!”
I also learned to ask them what they thought went well, even if the end result wasn’t perfect. It got them thinking about the positives. Sometimes, we’d talk about what they could try differently next time, but I always made sure to start with something good.
Another thing that helped was letting them see me struggle with stuff too. When I had a hard time with a recipe or a work project, I’d talk through how I was handling it. It showed them that challenges are normal, and we can work through them. 
Every kid is different though, so you might need to try a few approaches to see what clicks with yours.
We’ve had some success with a reward system for chores. My kid earns points for tasks, which can be traded for screen time or small treats. It’s not perfect, but it’s helped make some tasks less of a battle.
I try to focus on effort over results. When my child struggles with homework, I’ll say something like ‘I noticed how hard you worked on that problem.’ Still figuring it out as we go, but celebrating the process seems to keep motivation up.
Giving choices has also been helpful. Like asking ‘Do you want to clean your room now or after dinner?’ It gives a sense of control.