I’m trying to figure out the best ways to reward my kids when they work well together. They’re 6 and 9 and usually end up fighting over everything, but occasionally they actually cooperate and help each other out. When this happens I want to reinforce it but I’m not sure what kind of rewards work best for teamwork specifically.
Do you give them something together as a team or individual rewards? And what types of things have worked for you guys? I don’t want to go overboard but I definitely want them to know when they’ve done something good together.
We started doing team challenges around the house when mine were about those ages. Small stuff like ‘Can you two work together to get the living room picked up before this song ends?’ When they actually pulled it off without arguing, they’d get to pick a special snack we could all share or choose what we watched during dinner. The thing that surprised me was how much they loved earning ‘team points’ on a simple chart. Every time I caught them helping each other or solving a problem together, they’d get a point. Once they hit 10 points, they could cash them in for something fun they both wanted to do. Usually ended up being something silly like having breakfast for dinner or building a blanket fort. It took a while but now they actually ask each other for help sometimes before coming to me first.
My 5 year old doesn’t have siblings but I’m curious about this since they play with neighbor kids sometimes. When they actually share toys or help clean up together, I usually let them have a special treat or extra play time. But I wonder if doing something they both enjoy right away works better than saving it for later? Also, do you think the same approach would work for teaching cooperation with friends who visit, or is it different when it’s not siblings?
I remember a time when my child and a friend managed to clean up their play area together. Instead of traditional rewards, I offered them a fun treat and a little extra screen time to enjoy together. Highlighting their teamwork really meant something to them. I’ve found that when they celebrate their successes as a team, like when they worked together, it leaves a lasting impression. It seems like shared experiences can motivate them to cooperate more often.
Movie nights worked well for us when mine actually cooperated. They got to pick the movie together and make popcorn. Takes away the fighting over who gets what since they both have to agree on the choice.
With my two kids at those ages, I learned that group rewards worked better than individual ones for teamwork moments. When I caught them actually helping each other instead of bickering, I’d announce something like “Since you two worked so well together, we’re having movie night with popcorn” or “Let’s go get ice cream because you were such a good team.”
What really clicked for us was making the reward something they could only enjoy together. A two-player video game session, building a fort in the living room, or even just staying up 30 minutes later together on a weekend.
I tried individual rewards at first, but that just led to more competition between them. The shared experiences seemed to create positive memories around cooperating. My 14-year-old still remembers the time they cleaned the playroom together and earned a family game night.
One thing I noticed was timing mattered a lot. I had to praise and reward the teamwork right when I saw it happening, not hours later when they’d already moved on to something else.
