I’m trying to figure out the best ways to encourage my kids when they make good decisions. Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough to acknowledge when they choose the right thing, and other times I wonder if I’m overdoing it with praise or treats.
What approaches have worked for you? Do you use a reward system, or is it more about the way you respond in the moment? I want to make sure I’m reinforcing positive behavior without creating kids who only do good things for rewards.
We do both. I give quick praise right when something good happens, plus we’ve got a points system for bigger wins like finishing homework without me nagging. Points turn into stuff they actually want - extra screen time, picking what we watch on weekends. It works pretty well and they don’t just do things for the reward.
Been there with both my kids. Timing’s everything - catch them right after they do something good, not hours later. My 17-year-old still remembers me thanking him for helping his brother with homework without being asked. That was years ago.
Mix unexpected rewards with regular praise. They get the immediate ‘thanks for taking out the trash’ but maybe once a week I’d surprise them with something small they wanted. They never knew when a reward was coming, which kept them motivated.
The worry about creating reward-dependent kids? Totally normal. Over time, my teenagers started doing good things because it felt normal, not because they expected something. The praise and occasional treats just helped build habits early. Some weeks I overdid it, other weeks I missed good stuff. They turned out fine anyway! 
Talking about how their choices affect everyone works really well. When my kids put dishes away without being asked, I’ll say ‘You made cleanup so much easier for all of us!’ They connect with that way more than just ‘good job.’ For bigger things, we do little celebrations - they pick dinner or stay up 15 minutes later after a really good week with chores. Nothing huge, but they feel special. What helps me is mixing it up. Sometimes it’s just a smile, other times we make it a bigger deal. Kids can tell when you’re genuinely happy about their choices versus just going through the motions.
My 5-year-old helped load the dishwasher last week. I just said ‘wow, you’re really helping our family’ and their face lit up more than any sticker I’ve given them. I’m figuring out this balance too. Does natural praise work better than planned rewards? Sometimes I worry I’m not consistent enough with either.
Last month, my daughter cleaned her room without being asked - totally caught me off guard. I made a big deal about how great it looked, and she was so proud. Way better than our usual chore battles. Now I’m trying to catch her being responsible and just acknowledge it in the moment. A high five or quick compliment works way better than promising rewards. She actually repeats the good behavior when I point it out like that.