I’ve been trying to teach my kids better manners, but I’m not sure if I’m going about it the right way. I know positive reinforcement is supposed to be effective, but I’m not really sure how to apply it properly in this situation. Does anyone have experience or tips on using positive reinforcement to encourage good manners in children? What kinds of rewards or praise work best? And how consistent do you need to be for it to actually stick? Thanks for any advice!
In our family, we’ve found that making manners a positive routine works well. We started a ‘kindness jar’ where the kids add a marble each time they use good manners without being reminded.
When the jar is full, we do a fun family activity together. It’s not about individual rewards, but celebrating as a team.
We also try to point out when manners make a difference. Like how the librarian smiled when my youngest said ‘thank you’ for helping find a book.
It’s taken time, but now my older one often reminds the younger one about manners. Seeing them encourage each other has been really rewarding.
Just keep at it and stay patient. Kids pick up on our examples more than we realize!
Catching them being polite and giving specific praise worked well for us.
We also made it a game sometimes, giving points for good manners at dinner. The kids enjoyed it and it reinforced the habits.
We’ve been trying to make manners more fun at our house. My 11-year-old and I came up with a ‘manners mission’ game where we take turns giving each other secret missions to use good manners in different situations. It’s been entertaining to see my kid get creative with it. The other day, their mission was to say ‘excuse me’ politely to get past someone at the grocery store. They made it into a spy-like operation and had a blast. I’ve noticed the polite habits starting to stick even when we’re not playing. It’s a work in progress, but turning it into a game has definitely helped make manners less of a chore.
I’ve been trying different approaches with my 5-year-old too. Lately we’ve been doing a ‘manners superhero’ thing where they get a sticker on a chart for remembering please and thank you.
It’s been hit or miss so far. Some days they’re really into it, other days they couldn’t care less about the stickers. I’m curious how long other parents kept up with rewards before the manners became more automatic?
Also, has anyone found ways to make it feel less like they’re just doing it for the reward? I worry sometimes that I’m teaching them to only be polite when there’s something in it for them.
We went through a lot of trial and error with manners too. What finally clicked for us was making it part of our everyday interactions. I’d model the behavior I wanted to see, like always saying please when asking for something at the dinner table.
When the kids used good manners, I’d acknowledge it casually - “Thanks for saying please, that was really polite.” It felt more natural than big rewards or punishments.
We also talked about how manners make other people feel. My teenager mentioned that his friend’s mom always seemed happy when he said thank you after meals. That real-world feedback meant more to him than any reward we could give.
It took time, but now good manners are just how we talk to each other. Hang in there - consistency pays off in the long run! 