I’ve been trying to teach my kids about fairness, but it’s not always easy. Does anyone have tips on using positive reinforcement to encourage fair behavior? What kind of rewards or praise work best? I’m looking for practical ideas that have worked for other parents. Thanks!
Praising specific fair actions has worked well for us. Once, a kid around nine let her sister choose the movie. We also use a points system for fair behavior, trading points for rewards. It really engages them.
In our house, we’ve found that catching the kids being fair and pointing it out really helps. I remember when my oldest shared her cookie with her brother without being asked. I made sure to tell her how proud I was of her kindness. It encouraged both of them to keep it up.
We also started a ‘kindness jar’ where they could earn marbles for fair actions. Once it was full, we’d have a family movie night. The kids loved seeing the jar fill up, and it became a fun way to reinforce good behavior.
One thing that surprised me was how much modeling fair behavior ourselves made a difference. When they saw us compromising or sharing, they started to copy it. It wasn’t always perfect, but over time, we saw real changes in how they treated each other and their friends. 
I’ve been trying to encourage fairness with my 5-year-old too. We started a simple sticker chart for kind actions. It’s hit or miss some days.
My child loves getting stickers when they share toys with friends or help set the table without complaining. But other times they forget all about being fair when emotions run high.
I’m curious how long it took other parents to see consistent results? And did you find group activities helped teach fairness better than individual rewards? I’d love to hear what worked as kids got older.
At our house, we’ve been experimenting with a ‘fairness raffle.’ My 11-year-old gets to put a ticket in a jar whenever they do something considerate. We draw a winner each week for a small prize or privilege.
It’s been interesting to see how it’s evolved. Some days the jar fills up quickly, other times it’s slower. But overall, I’ve noticed more instances of sharing and compromise, even when no one’s watching.
The best part has been the conversations it sparks. We often talk about why certain actions were fair or kind. It’s not perfect, but it’s definitely helped reinforce positive behaviors in a fun way.
We’ve had good results with a ‘fairness jar’ in our house. The kids get to add a pom-pom when they do something fair or kind. Once it’s full, we have a special family outing.
My 10-year-old loves adding pom-poms for things like helping her sister with homework or letting her brother pick the TV show. The visual progress really motivates them.
Sometimes they still argue or get upset, but overall I’ve noticed them being more considerate. It’s not perfect - there are definitely days when the jar sits untouched. But most of the time, they get excited about filling it up.
One thing that surprised me was how much they started noticing and pointing out each other’s fair actions. It’s been sweet to see them encouraging each other.