I’m trying to figure out the best ways to help my kids feel comfortable expressing themselves while also using positive reinforcement techniques. I want them to feel free to share their thoughts and be creative, but I’m not sure how to balance encouraging them without being too pushy or overwhelming them with praise. What approaches have worked for other parents? Any specific methods or things to avoid?
We started commenting on the process more than the result. Like ‘you worked really hard on that’ or ‘I noticed you tried three different ways.’ Takes the pressure off them having to make something perfect and they share more about what they’re thinking.
Something that’s worked well for us is just making space for all the messy, in-between emotions when my kids are creating or sharing ideas. My daughter will sometimes start a drawing, get frustrated halfway through, and want to quit. I’ve learned to just sit there with her during those moments rather than trying to cheer her up right away.
She usually ends up talking through what’s bothering her about it, and then decides on her own whether to keep going or try something different. My son does the same thing when he’s building with legos - he’ll get stuck and start complaining, but if I just stay nearby without fixing it for him, he often figures out his own solution.
I think they feel more comfortable expressing the difficult parts when they know I’m not going to immediately try to make it better.
What really helped with my teens was creating space for them to share without me jumping in with immediate feedback. I learned this the hard way after realizing I was responding too quickly to everything they said.
When my 14-year-old started writing poetry, I made sure to just listen first before saying anything. Same thing when my 17-year-old wanted to try different art styles that weren’t my taste. I found that asking genuine questions about their work was better than rushing to praise everything.
The praise that seemed to stick was when I noticed specific things they put effort into. Instead of just saying “great job,” I’d mention something particular like how they used colors or how they solved a problem in their project.
One thing I wish I’d known earlier was that sometimes they just want to show you something without any response at all. My younger one will sometimes say “don’t say anything, just look” and that taught me a lot about when to step back. 
Every kid responds differently though. What worked for one of mine didn’t always work for the other.
My daughter went through this phase where she’d make these elaborate cardboard sculptures and then immediately ask if I liked them. I realized she was looking for validation before she’d even decided how she felt about her own work. Now when she shows me something, I try to ask what her favorite part was or what gave her the idea. She usually lights up and starts explaining her whole process. The funny thing is, once she talks through what she made, she seems way more confident about it. Sometimes she’ll even point out parts she wants to change or improve without me saying anything about it.
My 5 year old loves drawing and making up stories, but I worry I’m either praising too much or not enough. Sometimes I catch myself saying “good job” for everything, then other times I hold back and wonder if that feels dismissive to them.
Lately I’ve been trying to just sit with them while they create and ask simple questions like “tell me about this part” instead of jumping straight to praise. It seems to help them open up more about what they’re thinking.
How do you know when you’re finding the right balance? I’m still figuring out when my child actually wants feedback versus when they just want me to be present.