I’ve been trying to help my kids develop better self-control, but I’m not sure I’m going about it the right way. I’ve heard positive reinforcement can be effective, but I’m not sure how to apply it in this situation. Does anyone have experience or tips on using positive reinforcement to encourage self-control in children? What kinds of methods have worked for you? I’d appreciate any advice or real-world examples.
We started small. Praised the kids for waiting their turn or staying calm when frustrated. Used a points system for bigger wins like sharing toys. Over time, they got better at catching themselves. Now my 12-year-old manages homework stress pretty well on her own.
I’ve been trying something similar with my 5-year-old. We made a game out of it called ‘Calm Captain’ where they get a sticker each time they handle a frustrating situation without melting down. It’s working some days, but other times it feels like we’re back to square one.
I’m curious about long-term effects. Has anyone seen their kids internalize self-control as they got older? Or do the rewards always need to be there? I worry about creating an expectation for praise or rewards for every little thing.
What about for bigger issues like sharing with friends or waiting their turn? Any specific strategies that worked well there?
We found that making self-control fun really helped. Our kids loved the ‘Quiet Mouse’ game where they’d try to do tasks without making noise. They’d get a small treat if they managed it.
For bigger stuff like sharing or waiting their turn, we used a simple chart. They’d color in a square each time they showed good self-control. After filling the chart, they could pick a special activity.
It took time, but we started seeing changes. Now our 10-year-old reminds herself to take deep breaths when she’s frustrated. And our 7-year-old is getting better at waiting his turn without complaining.
Some days are still hard, but overall it’s made a big difference. The kids seem proud when they handle tough situations well.
We learned that catching our kids being good was really powerful. When they showed self-control, even in small ways, we’d point it out. “I noticed you didn’t yell when your sister took your toy. That was great self-control!” It felt a bit awkward at first, but they started to recognize those moments themselves.
We also set up a simple chart where they could earn stickers for showing self-control. After a certain number, they’d get a small reward they chose. It wasn’t perfect, but it helped them see the connection between their choices and positive outcomes.
The toughest part was staying consistent and patient. There were definitely days when it felt like nothing was working. But over time, we saw real progress. Now our teens manage their emotions much better, and it’s made our home life a lot calmer. 
We’ve had some success with a “Self-Control Superhero” game at our house. My kid earns points for handling tricky situations calmly. They can cash in points for small rewards or save up for bigger ones.
It’s not perfect - some days are definitely harder than others. But overall, I’ve noticed my child getting better at stopping to think before reacting. They even remind me to take deep breaths sometimes!
I’m still figuring it out as we go, but making it playful seems to help take the pressure off. Anyone else tried something similar?