I’ve been trying to be more positive with my kids lately, but I’m not sure if I’m doing it right. Anyone have good examples of how to give verbal praise that really works? I feel like I’m just saying “good job” all the time and it’s getting stale. What are some other ways to encourage them or show you’re proud? Thanks for any tips!
I remember struggling with this too! One thing that worked well was being specific about what they did right. Instead of just saying ‘good job,’ I’d say something like ‘I noticed how you folded all your clothes neatly. That really helps keep your room tidy.’
Over time, I started pointing out their effort more than the result. Like ‘Wow, you worked really hard on that math homework. I’m proud of how you didn’t give up.’ It seemed to motivate them more.
Another trick I picked up was asking them how they felt about their accomplishment. It got them thinking about their own progress. And sometimes, a simple high five or a quick hug spoke louder than words. 
Remember, what works can change as kids grow. My teenagers roll their eyes at some praise now, but they still light up when I notice the little things they do.
I like to mix up the way I praise my kids so it feels genuine. For my 7 year kid, I might say something like ‘You remembered to hang up your backpack all by yourself. That shows you’re getting really responsible!’ With my 10 year kid, I often point out the effort, like ‘I saw how hard you worked on your science project even when it got tricky.’ Sometimes I just comment on what I notice in a kind way, saying, ‘Look at how neat your handwriting is getting’ or ‘It was really nice how you helped your sister without being asked.’ On tougher days, sometimes a simple ‘I love you’ or a hug expresses the feeling best. Every kid is different so I adjust as needed.
In our house, we’ve turned praise into a bit of a game. My 11-year-old and I have a ‘catch each other being awesome’ challenge. We try to notice and call out specific things throughout the day. It’s fun and keeps us both on our toes.
For chores, I might say something like ‘Nice job tackling that messy closet! How’d you decide to organize it?’ This opens a conversation that lets them share their thought process. I’ve found asking about their feelings on their accomplishments works well too.
I’ve been trying to give my 5-year-old more praise lately too. Sometimes I feel like I’m just repeating the same phrases over and over.
One thing that seems to work is praising the process. Like when my kid spends a long time coloring, I’ll say something about how much effort they put in or how they chose interesting colors.
I’m curious about how other parents handle this as kids get older. Does anyone have experience with praising tweens or teens? Do you change your approach as they grow?
Also, I’ve noticed my child reacts differently to praise depending on their mood. Some days they beam with pride, other days they seem indifferent. Is this normal? How do you handle those off days?
I praise my younger child by mentioning specifics and let my older one talk about his work. They both respond well when I point out their effort rather than just the outcome.