I’ve been struggling with this lately. My kids (7 and 9) aren’t great at doing chores or keeping their rooms tidy. I want them to be more responsible, but I don’t like using punishment as a motivator. Has anyone found effective ways to encourage responsibility in kids without resorting to taking away privileges or other punishments? Looking for some fresh ideas here.
In our home, we’ve found that consistency and positive reinforcement work wonders. We have a family ‘responsibility board’ where everyone’s tasks are listed. When tasks are done, the kids get to put a sticker next to them.
At the end of the week, we count up the stickers and celebrate their efforts. Sometimes it’s a special dessert, other times it’s extra screen time or a trip to the park.
We also try to make chores feel more like teamwork. We’ll put on music and tidy up together, or have friendly competitions to see who can fold laundry the fastest.
It’s not always perfect, but focusing on the positives has really helped. The kids seem to feel proud when they contribute, which is great to see.
We use a simple chore chart. Kids check off tasks, earn points for fun activities.
My 9-year-old loves it. The 12-year-old, not so much. Still figuring out what works for the older one.
Natural consequences seem to work better than punishments.
In our house, we’ve had some success with a ‘chore adventure’ system. My kid earns ‘quest points’ for completing tasks, which can be traded for small rewards or privileges.
It’s not perfect - some weeks are definitely better than others. We adjust the quests and rewards as needed to keep things interesting.
Recently, we started letting my 11-year-old suggest new quests and rewards. It’s been cool to see them take more ownership of the process. Still a work in progress, but it’s helping build those responsibility muscles bit by bit.
Hey there! I remember those days with my kids. We tried a mix of things that seemed to work pretty well. One approach was setting up a ‘responsibility jar.’ The kids would earn marbles for completing tasks, and once the jar was full, we’d do a fun family activity they chose.
It wasn’t always smooth sailing, though. Some weeks, the jar stayed pretty empty. That’s when we’d have a family meeting to talk about what was working and what wasn’t. Sometimes we adjusted the tasks or rewards based on their input.
As they got older, we started connecting their responsibilities to more ‘grown-up’ privileges. My 14-year-old now gets to choose the family movie if she keeps up with her chores all week. My 17-year-old earns later curfew times by staying on top of his responsibilities.
It took time, but now chores are just part of our routine. Hang in there – it does get easier! 
I’m curious about this too. My 5-year-old is just starting to help around the house. We’ve tried making chores into games, like racing to put toys away before a timer goes off. It works sometimes, but other days nothing seems to motivate them.
I wonder if anyone has tips for keeping things consistent? Or ideas for chores that are good for younger kids? It’s hard to know what’s age-appropriate sometimes.
We’ve had some success with a sticker chart, but I worry about always needing rewards. How did you transition from external motivation to internal motivation as your kids got older?