I’ve been trying to get my kids to do more things on their own, but it’s not always easy. I know positive reinforcement is supposed to help, but I’m not sure how to use it effectively. Any tips from parents who’ve had success with this? What kind of praise or rewards work best? And how do you balance encouragement with letting them figure things out for themselves?
I’ve found that giving my kids choices helps build independence. For example, I’ll ask if they want to set the table or help pack lunches. This way, they feel like they have control. We also have a responsibility chart on the fridge. When they complete tasks, they get to put a magnet next to it. It’s not about perfection, but progress. Sometimes they forget, and that’s okay. Recently, my older one started making simple breakfasts on weekends. I stay nearby, but let them figure things out. There were a few messes at first, but now they’re proud of their ‘cooking skills.’ It takes patience, but seeing them beam with pride when they accomplish something new is worth it.
Specific praise for effort works well with my kids. “Great job figuring that out!” or “You worked hard on that!” goes a long way.
Small responsibilities that match their abilities help too. My 9-year-old now packs her own lunch. Took time, but she’s proud of it.
You know, I’ve been down this road with my kids. At first, it felt like an uphill battle. But we found our groove eventually. One thing that worked was setting up a ‘chore jar.’ The kids would pick tasks from it, which gave them some choice. They’d get points for completing chores, which they could trade for small rewards or privileges.
It wasn’t always smooth sailing. There were days when I had to bite my tongue and let them struggle a bit. But watching them figure things out on their own was pretty cool. 
As they got older, we shifted to a more flexible system. Now, my teens have certain responsibilities they manage themselves. It took time, but they’ve become pretty self-reliant. The key was finding what motivated them and being patient through the process.
I’m still learning how to encourage independence in my 5-year-old. We’ve tried making a game out of cleaning up toys, which sometimes works. But other times, it’s a struggle. I’ve heard about positive reinforcement, but I’m not always sure how to use it right.
What kinds of things do your kids do independently now? And how did you get to that point? I’d love to hear what’s worked for other parents with young kids.
Right now, we’re experimenting with a sticker chart for small tasks like putting shoes away. It’s hit or miss though. Some days my child is excited about it, other days not so much. Do you find consistency is important, or is it okay to be flexible?
My kid and I recently started a ‘task adventure’ game. We brainstormed a list of chores, then wrote them on slips of paper and put them in a jar. Each day, my child picks a task and earns points for completing it. The points add up to small rewards.
It’s not perfect - some days the enthusiasm isn’t there. But overall, it’s made chores feel less like work and more like a fun challenge. My child is starting to take initiative on tasks without being asked.
I’m curious what other parents have tried. Have you found ways to make responsibilities feel more like play and less like obligations?