I’ve been looking into positive reinforcement strategies for kids, and I can’t help but wonder if there’s more to it than just giving rewards or praise. Does knowing what really motivates a child help make our reinforcement efforts more effective?
For instance, some children thrive on verbal praise, while others might find more value in gaining privileges or fun activities. I’m interested in whether understanding these differences can actually influence how well positive reinforcement works and if there are better methods to customize it based on each child’s motivations.
Does anyone have insights or experiences related to this? Any research out there that explores the link between motivation and reinforcement techniques?
In my experience, understanding what motivates my child has been crucial. There was a time when I thought compliments were enough, but my child seemed indifferent to them. However, I found that he truly lit up when given choices, like picking a family movie or deciding on an extra story before bed. It’s taught me that sometimes, motivation comes from having a say in the fun aspects of our time together rather than just praise.
My kids are so different in what gets them excited about helping out or following through on things.
My older one really responds to feeling trusted with bigger responsibilities. Like when I ask them to help make dinner decisions or let them stay home alone for short trips to the store. That sense of being grown up seems to motivate them way more than sticker charts ever did.
My younger kid loves the social connection part. They get really motivated when we turn cleanup into a game we do together or when I notice out loud how their actions helped our family. “Wow, you made our living room so cozy for movie night” works better than generic praise.
I’ve also noticed that both of them care more about feeling successful than getting actual rewards. So I try to set up situations where they can feel proud of what they accomplished. Sometimes that means breaking bigger tasks into smaller pieces so they get that good feeling more often.
It definitely takes paying attention to see what makes each kid tick, but once you figure it out the whole dynamic gets smoother.
You’re absolutely onto something there. When my kids were around 8 and 11, I kept trying the same reward system for both of them and wondered why one would get excited while the other just shrugged.
My younger one loved earning points toward something bigger, like a special outing or new toy. But my older kid? He cared more about freedom and trust. So instead of tangible rewards, I started offering things like staying up 30 minutes later or having a friend over.
What really opened my eyes was realizing that even the timing mattered. My daughter responded better to immediate recognition right after completing a task, while my son preferred when I acknowledged his efforts privately later, not in front of his sibling.
I think the trick was watching their natural reactions and paying attention to what actually made them feel good about themselves. Some kids want to feel accomplished, others want to feel independent, and some just want to feel helpful
It took some trial and error, but once I matched the reinforcement to what actually drove each of them, everything became so much easier. They started completing tasks without me having to remind them constantly.
I’ve been struggling with this exact thing lately with my 5 year old. Sometimes I give praise for cleaning up toys and get no reaction, but other times I mention how proud I am and they beam with excitement.
I’m starting to notice that my child seems more motivated when they feel like they’re helping me rather than just doing what they’re told. Like when I say “thank you for being my helper” instead of just “good job.”
But I’m still figuring it out honestly. Some days nothing seems to work and I wonder if I’m missing something about what actually makes them want to cooperate. Do you think motivation changes based on their mood or the situation? I feel like what works one day doesn’t always work the next.
