I’ve been trying to use positive reinforcement instead of punishment when dealing with bad behavior, but I’m struggling to make it work effectively. It feels counterintuitive to me—like how do you address something negative with positive methods?
For example, when someone is being disruptive or not following rules, I’m not sure how to redirect that behavior using positive reinforcement techniques. Do you focus on rewarding good behavior from others? Wait for the person to do something right and then praise that?
I would appreciate any practical strategies or examples from people who have experience with this approach. Thanks!
I catch mine right after they stop the bad behavior and acknowledge it. Like if they were yelling and then calm down, I’ll say something about how much better that sounds. Works way better than waiting for perfect behavior.
Focusing on the good behavior of others can really help. When one of my children is acting out, I often give praise to their sibling or another child who’s behaving well. The one misbehaving usually pays attention and wants that kind of positive recognition too.
I also try to notice even small improvements from the child who’s being disruptive. If they lower their voice just a bit, I might say something like, “Thanks for being a little quieter!”
It definitely takes some patience, but this method has proven effective. Giving quick recognition for small efforts truly makes a big impact.
My daughter constantly tested me during homework, and I learned that highlighting good behavior worked way better than calling out the bad stuff. When she’d get loud and frustrated, I’d wait for her to take a breath or speak normally, then say ‘I can hear you so much better when you use that voice.’ Felt weird at first since I wanted to address the yelling, but she quickly figured out which behaviors got positive attention.
Same here with my 5 year old! I try catching them before they lose it and offer choices - help set the table or put your shoes away when they’re getting restless. Works sometimes and they’ll pick something instead of acting out. Still stuck on what to do mid-meltdown though. Does timing make a huge difference with positive reinforcement for you?
What worked for me was setting clear expectations upfront, then catching my kids doing things right. My 14-year-old went through this phase where she’d ignore chore reminders completely. I stopped nagging and started acknowledging when she’d do even part of a task without being asked.
Positive reinforcement works way better when you’re specific. Instead of just “good job,” I’d say “I noticed you put your dishes in the sink right after eating - that really helps keep the kitchen clean.”
The hardest part? Staying calm when they’re testing boundaries. I learned to remove myself from power struggles. When my son got argumentative about screen time, I’d say “We can talk when you’re ready for a calm conversation” and walk away. Then I’d make sure to praise him later when he approached me respectfully about something else.
Took time to see results, but my kids started seeking positive attention instead of getting it through negative behavior.
