I’m trying to figure out the best ways to build up my kids’ confidence and keep them motivated without always having to discipline or correct them. I’ve heard positive reinforcement works really well but I’m not sure I’m doing it right.
What are some practical tips that actually work? Like should I be praising everything they do or just certain things? And how do you keep kids motivated to try new things when they get discouraged easily?
Any parents here who have seen good results with this approach? Would love to hear what’s worked for you.
My 5-year-old lights up when I catch him doing little things without being asked. Yesterday he put his shoes by the door and when I mentioned it at dinner, he was so proud. But I’m wondering about the balance. Am I praising too much? Will he give up when things get tough if I keep this up? Do your kids still push through challenges even with tons of positive feedback?
With my two teens, I’ve learned timing is everything for positive reinforcement. I used to praise them right after they cleaned their room or did dishes, but it felt more genuine when I brought it up later in random conversations. My 17-year-old responds way better to specific stuff like “I saw you organized your backpack without me nagging” instead of generic “good job” comments. My younger kid still wants immediate recognition, but I always call out exactly what they did right. Here’s what caught me off guard - they really valued getting to choose what I praised them for. When my daughter got frustrated learning guitar, I celebrated her practice time instead of how she sounded. She stuck with it way longer because I recognized the effort, not just results. The hard part? Knowing when to back off. Too much praise backfires and makes kids need constant validation. I had to find the sweet spot between encouragement and letting them build their own motivation.
Being specific about what they did works way better than just saying ‘good job.’ I’ve found it’s more about catching them when they’re being helpful or putting in effort - doesn’t have to be perfect results.
What really surprised me was how well letting my kids pick their own small rewards worked. We made a list together - stuff like choosing the family movie night film, staying up 15 minutes past bedtime, or deciding what’s for dinner. They pick from the list when they follow through on something they’ve been working on. My 10 year old was fighting piano practice and getting super frustrated. After we switched to this system, she started practicing on her own because she could earn something she actually wanted. My younger kid loves picking a special snack for his lunchbox when he gets ready for school without me nagging. It feels way less forced now and they’re genuinely excited about doing things.
I remember how my child would give up whenever something got tough. I started focusing on the little victories instead of just the big successes. For instance, during math homework, I would highlight the effort she put into solving even one problem, rather than just the final score. Once she noticed that I valued her effort more than perfection, she began to approach challenges with a more positive mindset. Now, she often volunteers to help with dinner and household projects.
