Last night I had to take my youngest to the hospital because my older child struck him so hard in the head that it damaged his inner ear. I’m really struggling with how to discipline my two boys effectively. My older son is on the autism spectrum and tends to make constant noise through vocal stimming or nonstop talking about random topics. My younger boy gets extremely frustrated by this and lashes out physically when he can’t handle the noise anymore. I’ve exhausted most traditional discipline methods like timeouts, removing privileges, and having calm discussions about appropriate behavior, but nothing seems to work long term. Since I don’t believe in physical punishment due to my own childhood experiences, I’m considering having them do hard outdoor work like clearing weeds from a neighbor’s property as consequences for their actions. Does this seem like a reasonable approach or am I going too far with this type of punishment?
Oh wow, that hospital trip must’ve been terrifying. I can’t imagine how overwhelming this all feels right now. With my kids, I’ve noticed physical work sometimes helps them process big emotions - more about channeling energy than punishment though. Maybe redirecting that energy before things blow up could help? When mine gets really wound up, I send them outside to do something active. Usually resets their mood. But honestly, what you’re describing sounds way beyond what any of us parents can handle alone. Have you connected with professionals who get autism and sibling dynamics? The noise sensitivity thing seems really important to tackle for both boys’ safety.
That hospital visit sounds awful - I’m so sorry you went through that. I’ve done outdoor work with my kid when they’re really frustrated, and it definitely helps them burn off steam. But it sounds like your boys need different approaches - one needs support with stimming and noise sensitivity, the other needs help managing his reactions. Physical work might give them an outlet, but it won’t stop these meltdowns from happening. Have you found any autism specialists who get sibling dynamics?
That hospital visit sounds terrifying. I’ve got a 5 year old and I’m already stressed about sibling fights getting out of hand. What you’re dealing with is way more intense than most of us here face. Have you found other parents with kids on the spectrum to talk to? This feels like it needs specialized help beyond what we can give. The safety issue is what scares me most.
Physical work might help burn off some energy, but it won’t solve the real problem. My kids act out sometimes, but nothing like what you’re describing. You need to find specialists who understand autism and sibling aggression before someone gets seriously hurt.
I’m so sorry about that hospital visit. Must have been terrifying for everyone.
With my two kids, I’ve learned that once things hit violence, stopping it matters more than punishment. My 17-year-old had explosive moments when younger, and physical work did help him burn off tension. But it worked better for prevention than punishment after the fact.
What worries me is your younger son hitting hard enough to cause injury. That level of aggression means he’s completely overwhelmed and doesn’t have tools to handle his frustration with his brother’s stimming. The noise sensitivity is huge - my friend’s kid with similar issues needed specific strategies for sensory overload.
Hard outdoor work isn’t wrong, but it won’t address what’s really driving these fights. Your older son can’t just stop stimming, and your younger son needs better coping strategies when overwhelmed. This needs professional help from someone who gets both autism and sibling dynamics. 