I’ve been thinking about this lately with my kids. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing enough to encourage them or if I’m being too critical when they mess up.
How much of a difference does positive reinforcement actually make in raising children? I know some parents who are constantly praising their kids for everything, while others are more hands-off. What’s the right balance here?
Just curious what others think about this and if anyone has noticed real changes in their kids’ behavior when they focus more on encouragement vs. correction.
When my kids were younger, I thought being encouraging meant praising everything they did. That backfired pretty quickly because they started expecting a reaction for basic things like brushing their teeth.
What worked better was being genuine about when I was actually impressed or proud. My 14 year old still remembers when I told her how proud I was that she helped her brother with homework without me asking. That was three years ago, but it meant something because it wasn’t my usual response.
I learned that timing matters too. If one of them messed up but then tried to fix it on their own, acknowledging that effort seemed to encourage more problem-solving later. Sometimes I’d wait a day or two before mentioning something good I noticed, which felt more natural than immediate praise for everything.
My teenagers definitely roll their eyes if I overdo it now They can tell when encouragement is real versus when I’m just trying to be a “positive parent.” Being selective about when and how I encourage them has made those moments carry more weight.
My kid used to shut down completely whenever he made mistakes with anything. I realized I was quick to jump in and correct him before giving him a chance to figure things out.
Now I wait a bit longer before saying anything. If he’s struggling with homework or chores, I might just sit nearby without commenting. When he does work through something tough, a simple “that was tricky and you figured it out” seems to hit different than generic praise.
What’s interesting is how he handles frustration now compared to before. He doesn’t give up as fast when things get hard.
my 5 year old used to ignore me when I asked him to clean up his toys. I felt like I was always nagging and getting frustrated.
Then I started noticing when he did pick up even one toy and made a quick comment like “thanks for putting that away.” Nothing big, just acknowledging it. He started doing it more often.
What I’m still figuring out is when to step back. Sometimes I feel like I’m praising too much for basic stuff he should just do. Do you think kids can get too used to constant encouragement? I worry about finding that balance between motivating him and not making everything about getting praise.
Have you noticed if your kids respond better to certain types of encouragement over others?
I’ve definitely seen a huge difference since I started focusing more on catching my kids doing things right rather than always pointing out mistakes.
My youngest used to get really discouraged when learning new things, especially with homework. Once I started making a bigger deal about the effort she was putting in - like “wow, you really stuck with that math problem” - she became way more willing to try challenging stuff.
What surprised me was how much their confidence grew from small acknowledgments. Even something like noticing when they remembered to put their dishes away without being asked seems to make them want to keep doing it.
I think the balance part is tricky though. I still correct things that need correcting, but I try to sandwich it between recognizing what they’re doing well. It takes more energy than just pointing out problems, but the mood at home feels so much lighter now.
They can tell when encouragement is real versus when I’m just trying to be a “positive parent.” Being selective about when and how I encourage them has made those moments carry more weight.