I’ve been thinking about different ways to teach my kids to be more responsible around the house and with their schoolwork. Some parents I know swear by reward systems - like giving kids points or small rewards when they complete chores or finish homework without being reminded. But I’m not sure if this actually helps them develop real responsibility or if they just end up doing things only when there’s something in it for them. Has anyone tried this approach? Did it work long-term or did your kids stop being responsible once the rewards went away? I’m curious about what’s worked for other parents here.
Reward charts worked great at first - my kids loved the stickers and picking special snacks. But then they started asking ‘what do I get?’ before doing anything. Not what I was going for.
I switched to celebrating afterwards instead of promising rewards upfront. When my daughter did homework without being asked, I’d say ‘wow, you handled that yourself’ or let her stay up 15 minutes later. My son loves when I text dad about how responsible he was.
Now they do their stuff without rewards because it became routine and they like feeling capable.
I can relate to your situation with both of my kids. I’ve found that rewards can definitely help, but they need to be used thoughtfully. With my younger one, we started with simple tasks like taking out the trash and cleaning their room. The trick was to keep the rewards unpredictable. Instead of giving a reward every time, I mixed it up, so they’d get rewarded every now and then. My 17-year-old even told me recently how much she appreciated those early reward systems because they taught her to recognize her own achievements. Now, she gets that satisfaction from just finishing her tasks without needing any rewards. One thing I’ve learned is to avoid rewarding everything. Instead, I reserve incentives for significant responsibilities or when we’re establishing new habits. Once those tasks become routine, the rewards naturally fade away. Now, both my teens manage their responsibilities on their own, and those rewards were just the initial stepping stones. 
We mix it up. Some chores get rewards, others don’t. My kids handle their basic responsibilities without bribes now, but rewards helped build those habits initially. Once the routine stuck, we phased out most of the rewards.
Tried a point system last year - totally exhausting to track. My kid became obsessed with earning points for everything, even basic stuff like brushing teeth that used to just happen. Dropped it after a few months. Now I focus on making chores feel less like work. Put on music or race to see who folds laundry faster. Way better than bribes.
My 5-year-old just started putting toys away and feeding our cat. I have the same worry you mentioned. Right now I celebrate when she remembers on her own, but I’m torn - should I give rewards every time or does that make her expect them? Does age matter for how well incentives work? At 5, she probably needs immediate feedback more than older kids do.