I’ve been thinking about how to help my kids develop better habits and improve themselves, but I want to focus on positive reinforcement instead of pointing out their mistakes.
What are some practical methods you’ve used to encourage self-improvement in children through positive reinforcement? I’m looking for specific techniques or approaches that work well. My kids are 8 and 11, in case that helps.
I appreciate any advice you have!
I’m dealing with something similar but with my 5 year old. We’ve been trying to build simple habits like cleaning up after meals and putting clothes in the hamper.
What I’ve noticed is that celebrating the small things really helps. When my kid remembers to do something without being asked, I make a big deal about it. Not with rewards necessarily, but just acknowledging that they remembered on their own.
I’m curious though, how do you handle the days when they just don’t want to do anything? Do you still find ways to be positive, or do you let it slide? Sometimes I feel like I’m being too pushy when I try to keep things upbeat every single day.
Also wondering if your kids ever started doing things just because they wanted to, not because of the positive feedback? That’s what I’m hoping for eventually.
We started having the kids pick one thing they wanted to get better at each month. Mine chose stuff like remembering homework and keeping their room tidy. What worked was noticing out loud when they did it without being reminded. Just a quick “hey, saw you already got your backpack ready” seemed to stick better than big celebrations. They started doing it more once they realized I actually noticed the good stuff.
My experience with my 14 and 17 year old has shown me that timing really matters when you’re trying to build their confidence around improvement. I learned not to praise them right after they mess up something else, because it feels fake to them.
What worked better was catching them doing things well when they weren’t expecting it. Like when my younger one started organizing his backpack without being told, I mentioned it later at dinner. It felt more genuine that way.
One thing I wish I’d figured out sooner is that kids at 8 and 11 still need to see the benefits pretty quickly. My teenagers can wait longer for results, but when they were younger, I had to connect their efforts to something they could see or feel within a few days.
I also found that asking them what they thought they did well worked better than me always being the one to point it out. Sometimes they’d surprise me with what they noticed about their own progress. It helped them start recognizing their improvements without needing me to always be there pointing things out 
We’ve been using a progress chart for my kids to track things they want to improve, like reading or helping out. What really helps is that they choose their own goals.
For instance, my younger one wanted to make her bed every morning, and my older one aimed to practice piano without reminders. Because they picked these goals, they feel more ownership over them.
Every Sunday, we celebrate their progress together. We just chat about what went well in the week, sometimes picking a movie or making their favorite snack. I’ve noticed they even start celebrating their own successes, like when my daughter proudly says, “I remembered to make my bed three days in a row!” They’ve become their own cheerleaders.