I’m trying to figure out the best way to teach my kids about not giving up when things get tough. I want to use some kind of reward system but I’m not sure how to set it up properly. Should I reward them for sticking with something even if they don’t succeed? Or only when they actually achieve their goal after working hard? Any ideas on what kinds of rewards work well for this?
What worked for us was recognizing that my kids needed different types of encouragement at different stages. With my younger one, I used to reward the moment he decided to try again after getting frustrated. Like when he’d storm off from homework and then come back to give it another shot - that earned him something small like choosing what we had for dinner.
My older daughter responded better to longer-term goals. We’d set up challenges where she had to stick with something for a specific time period, like learning a new skill for two weeks. The reward came at the end, but I made sure to notice her effort along the way with just words of encouragement.
One thing I learned was that the rewards didn’t have to be big or expensive. Extra time with friends, picking the family activity for the weekend, or even just one-on-one time with me worked really well. The important part was that they could see the connection between pushing through the tough moments and getting something they valued. 
My child also struggles with frustration and often wants to give up when things get tough. I’ve been thinking about this as well. Lately, I focus on acknowledging their efforts to keep trying, even if they don’t succeed in completing a task like a puzzle. Yet, I wonder if this approach is effective. Do kids at this age truly grasp what perseverance means, or is it better to wait until they’re a bit older to emphasize this lesson?
We started with a simple chart where my kids get stars for each time they stick with something challenging for a little longer than usual. It doesn’t matter if they finish or not - just that extra push counts.
My 10 year old was ready to quit guitar after two weeks, but we agreed she’d get a special weekend activity if she practiced for one more week. She ended up loving it and still plays now. With my younger one, I use smaller rewards like picking the family movie or staying up 15 minutes later.
What really works is celebrating those small moments when they push through frustration. They start to feel proud of themselves for not giving up, and that feeling becomes its own reward.
We’ve been mixing it up. Sometimes my child gets a small reward just for pushing through the hard part, like when she wanted to quit piano practice but kept going for another 10 minutes. Other times I wait until she actually finishes something difficult, like that science project that took weeks. What I noticed is that different situations call for different approaches. If she’s really struggling and close to tears, I might reward the effort to keep trying. But if it’s something she can definitely do with more work, I usually wait for completion.
My kids respond well to earning screen time for pushing through tough moments. Like when homework gets frustrating but they stick with it for another 15 minutes instead of melting down.