I’m trying to figure out how to set clear behavior expectations for my kids while using positive reinforcement instead of just punishment. I get that rewarding good behavior is often more effective than just telling them what not to do, but I’m unclear on how to actually implement this.
Should I establish specific rules first and then reward them when they follow those rules? Or is it more about recognizing and reinforcing positive behaviors when they happen? I’m also curious about what kinds of rewards work well without going over the top.
Has anyone tried this approach successfully? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
What worked for us was a mix of both approaches you mentioned. I did set some basic household rules upfront, but I also learned to catch my kids doing things right throughout the day.
With my younger one, I started noticing when he put his dishes away without being asked or helped his brother with something. Just saying “Hey, I saw you clear your plate. That was really helpful” made a bigger difference than I expected. He started doing it more.
For rewards, we kept things simple. Extra time with friends on weekends, staying up 30 minutes later, or picking the family movie night selection. My 17-year-old responds well to earning car privileges or having friends over.
One thing I wish I’d figured out earlier is that the timing matters. Recognizing the good behavior right when it happens works better than waiting until the end of the week. My kids seemed to connect the dots faster that way.
Some weeks we were more consistent than others, and honestly, the inconsistent weeks showed. But when we stuck with it, both kids started meeting expectations without as much reminding.
I’m still figuring this out with my 5 year old, but I think I was making it too complicated at first. I tried creating this whole chart with stickers and rules, but it felt like too much.
What’s been working better is just watching for moments when my child does something good naturally. Like yesterday they cleaned up their blocks without me asking, and I made sure to say how much that helped me. They did it again today.
I’m curious though, how do you balance rewards with wanting them to just do the right thing? Sometimes I worry I’m creating a kid who only behaves for treats. Do you think there’s a point where they start doing good things just because?
Right now simple rewards work best for us, like picking what we read at bedtime or getting an extra few minutes at the playground. But I’m still learning what feels right.
