I’ve been thinking about this lately with my kids. When they make really good decisions on their own or do something thoughtful without being asked, I want to acknowledge it somehow but I’m not sure what works best.
Do you use praise, small rewards, extra privileges? I don’t want to go overboard but I also think good behavior should be recognized. What approaches have worked well for you guys?
With my kid, I noticed that the timing matters more than what I actually do. If I catch them doing something good and mention it right away, that seems to stick better than waiting until later. Sometimes I’ll just say something like ‘I saw you help your friend with that math problem’ and leave it at that. Other times maybe we’ll do something fun together that weekend. I think they pick up on the fact that I noticed more than whatever reward comes after.
I do a mix - sometimes just verbal recognition, other times extra screen time or staying up 15 minutes later. Matching the reward to what they care about works better than generic stuff. My 9-year-old loves one-on-one time, my 12-year-old wants more independence.
my 5 year old just started doing small things like clearing their plate without me asking. I usually tell them I noticed and it made me happy, but sometimes I wonder if that’s enough?
I’ve been trying different things - sometimes we do a fun activity together later, other times I let them pick the bedtime story. But I’m still figuring out what actually motivates them.
Does anyone else worry about getting the balance right? I don’t want them to expect something every time, but I also want them to know their good choices matter.