I’ve been reading about positive reinforcement techniques and I’m wondering how to apply this specifically to encourage honesty in kids. My 7-year-old has been telling some little lies lately (nothing major, just typical kid stuff like saying he brushed his teeth when he didn’t) and I want to focus on rewarding the honest behavior rather than just punishing the lies.
What are some practical ways you’ve found that work? Do you praise them immediately when they tell the truth about something they did wrong? Any specific phrases or approaches that have been effective for your family?
My son went through this exact phase last year. What helped us was treating his truth-telling like any other good behavior worth noticing. When he admitted he forgot to feed the cat or didn’t finish his homework, I’d acknowledge it with something simple like ‘I appreciate you telling me’ and then we’d just handle whatever needed fixing. The tricky part was not making honesty feel like this huge dramatic thing, because then it seemed to backfire and make him more nervous about confessing mistakes.
We started making a bigger deal out of catching them being honest than catching them in lies. When my kids owned up to breaking something or not doing chores, I’d thank them first before dealing with whatever happened. Made truth-telling feel worth it.
My 5-year-old just started this phase too. I’m trying to figure out when to praise honesty and when I’m overdoing it. Like when she admits she didn’t wash her hands, I say thanks for telling me, but then I still have to make her go wash them. Sometimes I wonder if she thinks being honest gets her out of doing things? Has anyone else struggled with finding that balance between praising truth-telling and still following through with what needs to happen?
My kids went through the same phase around that age, and I totally get how tricky it is to handle those little lies without making it a big deal.
What worked for us was creating moments where telling the truth felt safe. When my youngest would mess up and then actually tell me about it, I’d say something like “Thank you for being honest with me” before we talked about what happened. It took a while, but he started seeing that honesty didn’t automatically mean he was in huge trouble.
I also found that asking questions differently helped. Instead of “Did you brush your teeth?” when I could already tell he hadn’t, I’d say “What do you need to do before we read stories?” It gave him a chance to remember and be truthful without feeling trapped.
The hardest part was staying calm when he did lie. I had to remind myself that this is normal kid behavior and not take it personally. Some days were better than others!
Every kid responds differently though. My older one needed more direct conversations about why honesty mattered, while my younger one just needed to feel like truth-telling was appreciated.
I found that really focusing on the little moments of honesty helped my kids feel more comfortable telling the truth. For instance, if my daughter told me she didn’t put her backpack away, I would say something like “Thanks for letting me know.” This made her feel proud rather than worried about being in trouble.
It was similar with my son when he spilled a little juice; acknowledging that he was honest about it made a positive impact. We also turned tooth brushing into a fun part of our bedtime routine. Now, they show me their “sparkly clean teeth” and share it happily rather than me needing to check if they brushed. Emphasizing these small wins has really encouraged honesty in our home.
