I’ve been trying to teach my kids better manners and I keep hearing that positive reinforcement works better than just telling them what not to do. But I’m not really sure how to put this into practice. What are some good ways to reinforce polite behavior when they actually do say please and thank you or use good table manners? I want to encourage them without making it feel forced or fake. Any tips from parents who’ve had success with this approach?
I’ve found that bragging about their good manners in front of others works really well. When my kids say thank you to the cashier or hold a door open, I’ll mention it to my husband later where they can hear. Something like ‘did you see how polite they were at the store today?’ They absolutely light up and feel proud.
We also started letting good manners earn extra bedtime stories or 10 more minutes of screen time. Nothing huge, but they love those little extras. My 10 year old especially gets excited about it.
What really helped was being patient. Some days they remember everything, other days we’re back to basics. But the positive attention has definitely made them want to keep trying.
I remember using a reward system with my child that turned chores into something more engaging. Whenever they helped out, like putting away dishes or remembering their polite words, we added a token to a jar. Once the jar was full, they could choose a small reward like extra playtime or a movie night. It became fun to work towards something together, which made the effort feel worthwhile.
Catching my teenagers in the moment worked best when they were younger. I’d say stuff like “wow, you said thank you without me asking” or “I loved how you waited for grandma to finish talking.” Timing mattered - not every single time, but enough so they knew I noticed.
My own behavior made a huge difference too. When I consistently said please and thank you to them, they started copying it naturally. My 14-year-old still calls me out when I forget to say please! 
What surprised me was how much they responded when I bragged about their good manners to other people. I’d mention to their dad or grandparents how polite they were at dinner. They’d get this proud look and keep it up for days. Felt way more genuine than rewards or charts, though those can work depending on your kids’ personalities.
We just started calling out their good manners when we saw them. Like ‘thanks for saying please’ or ‘I saw you wait your turn to talk.’ Works way better than making it a huge thing. They notice the attention but it doesn’t feel forced.
My kid has been improving with saying thank you, but it’s still a work in progress. I used to emphasize it a lot, and I’m now considering if that might create pressure. Can kids respond well to gentle reminders? What strategies have you found effective to maintain consistency?