I’m struggling with getting my kids to actually want to help around the house without me having to constantly remind them or nag about it. They’re old enough to understand what needs to be done but they just don’t seem motivated to do anything on their own.
Anyone have tips that actually work? I’ve tried reward charts and taking away privileges but nothing seems to stick long term. Would love to hear what’s worked for other parents.
Making it part of their daily routine has been huge for us. I noticed that when chores feel random or unexpected, my kids push back way more. But when helping out is just part of what happens after breakfast or before screen time, they don’t even question it.
I also started giving them choices about which tasks they want to handle. My older one picked taking out trash and my younger one chose feeding our dog. Having ownership over specific jobs made them feel more responsible.
What surprised me was how much they responded to just being noticed. A simple “wow, the kitchen looks great” or “thanks for thinking of that” goes so much further than I expected. They actually started doing extra little things just to get that recognition.
It definitely wasn’t instant, but once they got used to the routine and felt appreciated for their help, the nagging mostly stopped.
Mine started helping more when I stopped doing things for them that they could handle themselves. If they ran out of clean clothes, they figured out laundry pretty fast. Natural consequences worked better than any chart I tried.
What really shifted things for me was connecting chores to stuff my kids actually cared about. I sat down with each of them and figured out what they were really wanting - like my 14-year-old wanted to go to the movies with friends more often, and my 17-year-old was always asking to borrow the car.
Once I understood what motivated them individually, I could tie those privileges to helping out around the house. The trick was making it feel less like ‘do this or else’ and more like ‘when you handle your responsibilities, you earn these freedoms.’
I also had to get comfortable with things not being perfect. Sometimes the dishwasher got loaded wrong or the laundry wasn’t folded exactly how I’d do it. But praising their effort instead of pointing out the flaws helped them feel more confident about taking on tasks without being asked.
The biggest change happened when I stopped micromanaging every little thing. Once they realized I wasn’t going to hover and criticize, they started stepping up more naturally. It took a few months, but now they handle most of their stuff without reminders. 
Last summer we started doing this thing where everyone picks a different room to be ‘in charge of’ for the week, then we rotate. My daughter picked the bathroom first, which shocked me, and suddenly became really invested in making sure it stayed clean because it was ‘hers.’ She’d even call out her dad for leaving towels on the floor. Turns out kids like having their own territory to manage. Now she’ll check her assigned space without me saying anything because she takes pride in it looking good.
My 5 year old just started doing little tasks like matching socks and clearing their plate. I noticed they get excited when I say things like ‘you thought of that all by yourself!’ But some days they completely forget or just don’t want to help. Do you think it’s too early to expect them to remember on their own? I’m curious if there’s a sweet spot between reminding them and letting them figure it out.