I’ve been trying to teach my kids to be more responsible around the house and with their schoolwork, but I’m not sure if I’m doing it right. I want to use positive reinforcement instead of just punishing them when they mess up.
What are some good ways to encourage responsibility using rewards and praise? I’m looking for practical ideas that actually work. My kids are 7 and 10 if that matters.
Any parents here have success stories or specific strategies they can share?
We use a family jar to collect marbles when the kids do good things like finish homework on their own or help each other. Once the jar is full, we treat ourselves to mini golf or ice cream. They really enjoy seeing it fill up, and it shifts the focus from what they do wrong.
Timing’s everything with praise. When my teens cleaned their rooms, I’d say something right away instead of waiting until dinner. That immediate recognition stuck way better.
What surprised me most? My kids really wanted choices in their rewards. Instead of me deciding what they’d earn, I let them suggest options. My 14-year-old wanted later weekend bedtimes, my 17-year-old preferred skipping a chore to hang out with friends. Giving them input made them way more invested in following through.
I definitely screwed up early on. Used to only notice the big stuff, but praising smaller steps worked better. “Thanks for getting started on that project” hit different than waiting until it was done. With kids 7 and 10, you’ll probably want more frequent check-ins and recognition. 
The real game-changer? Staying consistent even when I was tired or busy. Some days I wanted to ditch the whole system, but sticking with it made responsibility feel normal instead of special.
Turning chores into a fun competition has really motivated my daughter at home. She earns points for tasks like loading the dishwasher or making her bed, which encourages her to be proactive without me prompting her. We made a simple rewards system where she can trade her points for extra screen time or even choose what we have for dinner. It’s amazing to see her get excited about doing things just to rack up those points, and she’s even racing to get ready for school now.
Celebrating small wins works great at our house. When my younger daughter puts her backpack away without me nagging, we stick a sticker on the calendar together. She loves this little ritual. My older son lights up when I brag to someone about how he helped with dinner without being asked - you can see how proud he gets. I try to catch them doing things right and call it out. “Hey, you started homework on your own” or “thanks for clearing your plate!” - simple stuff that makes them smile. We do little reward days too. If they’ve been good, maybe they stay up late or pick our movie night choice. Nothing crazy, but they eat it up.
Same here with my child. We put a simple chart on the fridge - they get a star for brushing teeth, picking up toys, and tasks like that. They love adding those stars. But I worry if I’m praising too much. Yesterday I got really excited when they made their bed, but today they expected the same reaction for just putting on shoes. Do your kids start expecting praise for everything? I’m trying to figure out when to pull back so they don’t need constant approval for basic tasks.