I’ve been reading about different ways to help kids get better at solving problems on their own, and positive reinforcement keeps coming up as something that works well. But I’m not totally clear on how exactly praising or rewarding them actually helps them become better problem solvers.
Like, I get that kids respond well to praise, but does it actually make them think through problems differently? Or does it just make them more willing to try? I’m curious about the connection between the two and how to use this approach effectively with children.
My 5 year old gets frustrated pretty quickly when something doesn’t work right away. I’ve noticed that when I praise the effort they put in, not just getting the right answer, they seem more willing to keep trying different ways. Like yesterday they couldn’t reach something and instead of asking for help right away, they tried using a step stool. I wonder if the praise makes them feel safer to experiment? What have you seen work with problem-solving situations?
My kid used to give up on things really fast, but I started noticing patterns when I’d point out what was working. Like when they were stuck on math homework, I’d mention how they organized their workspace or how they remembered to check their work. Something shifted - they began talking out loud about their next moves more often. Now they’ll say stuff like ‘maybe if I try this way’ without me prompting them. It’s interesting how acknowledging the process seems to make them more aware of their own thinking.
With mine, I found that praising specific things they tried worked better than general praise. Like saying ‘you thought to check under the couch’ instead of just ‘good job.’ They started breaking down problems into smaller steps naturally.
I’ve noticed that when I celebrate my kids’ thought processes, it changes how they tackle challenges. For example, my youngest struggled with a puzzle, and I started saying things like ‘I love how you tried different ways to turn that piece’ or ‘You’re really putting a lot of thought into this.’ Now, when they face difficulties, they talk through their thoughts. My older one even says things like ‘Maybe I can try this…’ and keeps at it. It seems that acknowledging their thinking makes them feel good about the effort, not just the outcome. This helps build their confidence, and they are less afraid of making mistakes because they know I value their attempts to solve problems.
Looking back at my own kids, I think positive reinforcement works because it builds their confidence to tackle problems without fear. When my 14-year-old was younger, she’d shut down if something got hard. But once I started commenting on what I saw her doing well (like “you didn’t give up when that first idea didn’t work”), she started seeing herself as someone who could figure things out.
The real shift happened when she began talking to herself the same way I talked to her. Instead of “this is too hard,” she’d say “let me try something else.” My 17-year-old does this too now. He’ll work through his thoughts out loud, almost like he’s coaching himself through problems.
I think what happens is that kids start to see problem-solving as something they’re good at, rather than something scary. The praise doesn’t just make them feel good - it actually changes how they see their own abilities. They become more willing to experiment because they know the trying itself has value, not just getting it right the first time.
